Texas Single Girl

Looooong Break, No?

2008-08-20T17:49:00.003-04:00

No more problems with neighbors, 'cause I moved! I'm temporarily living at home (which I say so I don't sound like quite as much of a loser) and it is very quiet.

Except for the 42 cats that live there. Okay, there's only 7 cats (and 2 dogs), but that is a lot.

You should totally watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. It is totally awesome, and I can't wait for the soundtrack to come out.

I've also been watching Battlestar Galatica. Yes, dorky Sci/Fi, and a little too serious for me but I am getting into it.

Things I am terrified about happening in the next 12 months (in chronological order):

GRE General Test
GRE Literature Test
Apply to doctorate programs
Trip to Europe with not enough money or planning
Applying to more doctorate programs
Getting in to/not getting in to doctorate programs
Quitting my job and moving to a different state

2008-01-23T16:14:00.000-05:00

I have a problem, and am running out of possible solutions.

Problem: Snotty neighbor (shares my living room wall) persists in playing music at unreasonable volumes. The majority of my problem is the bass, which vibrates the walls and travels much farther than the rest of the sound.

Solutions Tried: Banging on the wall, speaking to neighbor (x 10, including lengthy explains of how bass sound travels and suggestions to move the radio to A DIFFERENT WALL), ear plugs, rearranging my living room, avoiding the living room, avoiding the apartment, playing my own music, speaking to the apartment complex.

The Only Other Things I Can Think Of: Calling the police, moving out, buying a shot gun.

Problems With the Only Other Things I Can Think Of: Possible repercussions (not sure how snotty neighbor will get, I live alone, etc.) from calling police, bad credit and loss of money from moving out early and breaking my lease, being put in jail for shooting someone else's radio.

I'm getting REALLY stressed out and upset about all of this, even though I tell myself that I shouldn't. I HATE repetitive noises (ask anyone I know how I feel about ticking clocks and loud keyboards) and I can not shut that stupid booming bass noise out. I am paying A LOT to live in this apartment and I don't really want to move out early - but I also do not want to go on like I have been. I am a conflict-avoider and any kind of confrontation makes me sick to my stomach.

I just don't understand why it is so important to listen to crappy music with big bass. I respect and am considerate to my neighbors, and believe that everyone else should be as well.

So, great world wide web, if anyone is reading this and has any (legal) suggestions for me that I haven't already thought of, please let me know.

Welcome Back.

2007-12-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

I could make some kind of snotty remark about not remembering what a blog is, but I think I'll skip that this time. I do remember what a blog is, and I occasionally remember that I have one. I've been reading lots of blogs, but as for writing...

Kids, school this semester has killed me. Okay, as I'm clearly not dead let's say that school kicked me in the throat with a high heeled boot then took out my kneecaps with a candlestick. There was lots of reading, lots of writing papers, lots of paper presentations, and a big-ass scary test. I have still have two take home-finals and a paper to revise, but it feels like I am running downhill now. Or I can see the finish line. Or the end is in sight. Or whatever cliche you would like to use.

As you can probably tell by my lack of posting on here, I've spent the semester withdrawing further and further from the world. I don't go out, I don't really call people, I don't email for fun...I apparently think that completely isolating myself will help me to concentrate. It is probably for the best, because I've also been incredible cranky. Papers and deadlines make me very grumpy, and I've had a lot of those this semester. So, dear blog, you should feel lucky that I haven't been grumping on you for the last several months.

Here's to a new stage in my life - a break from school and reintroduction into my life. I really need to work on my writing skills, and this is a great place for me to do that.

This is what happens to me EVERY MORNING.

2007-10-18T15:22:00.000-04:00

Well, except the baseball bat part. But I think if I had a baseball bat, Ghost would use it.

I dreamed a dreamed, a dream of times gone by

2007-10-11T00:04:00.000-04:00

In my dream I was sleeping and a man (I won't be specific because I don't think it is relevant) was sitting next to me, holding my hand while I slept. It was such a loving, kind gesture...I hope I have the dream again tonight.

Books & Rooms

2007-09-20T16:07:00.000-04:00

This page has an incredible list of authors and the spaces they work in.

This is my favorite, mostly because it has a pictures of one of my favorite places in the world:

If I lived in NYC, you would never be able to drag me out of this room.

2007-09-15T14:49:00.000-04:00

Jesus, I'm glad I got such a big desk...little did I know that I would actually be only able to use the middle part of it because each cat has to have a place on the desk while I am working. Seriously, if they don't EACH have a bed on the desk they wandering around crying and crying and crying.

So now all of my papers and books are squished all around the laptop while Ghost is on my right and Ollie is on the left. The things I do for these guys.

Shopping is bad for your health. But good for the economy!

2007-09-14T11:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know that Old Navy sells cheap clothing. I can't tell you how many shirts I've sent to Goodwill because they have shrunk, or the hem has fallen apart, or there is a hole in the arm pit. I know this. But I can't resist the plethora of cute shirts for under $10, especially when I am going to be traveling and need new clothes.

(What's that? You don't buy new clothes to go traveling? That's silly, it is one of my favorite reasons to buy stuff...that, and, "But I WANT it!")

And then, when I saw the huge sign at the front of the store that said "60% off of EVERYTHING," I kind of lost my head. I spent way more than I had budgeted for, but for $70 I got 14 shirts and 1 zip up sweatshirt. 14 shirts! That's like $4 a shirt! And, I can wear a new shirt everyday for two weeks! Actually, a lot of them are for layering so I won't really do that, but it an exciting thought.

Will I be the best dressed person in the poor house? Absolutely. Although, it had better be a pretty short stay in the poor house, because these shirts don't last forever.

The perfect look

2007-09-12T12:28:00.000-04:00

I do not understand the women that are able to dress professionally every day. Luckily my office is fairly (okay, very) relaxed about such things, because I have worn jeans, tennis shoes, and a polo shirt to work more times than I can count.

Today, I attempted to look nice - or wear something other than jeans. I managed to wake up at 6:50am, which is better than the 7:40am of the previous morning. I took a shower, shaved my legs, blow dried and then straightened my hair. (I hate straightening my hair in the morning because it gets so FREAKING HOT in the bathroom. I have to take breaks to go sit in front of the fan. Seriously hot.) Then I got dressed in a skirt, button down shirt, and slide-on heels.

That's it. That's all I did, and I managed to be 30 MINUTES late for work. I put my makeup on sitting at my desk, and completely forgot to put on any jewelry. I suck. How do other women do it? Men, I don't care about...they shave, throw on a suit, and run out the door. NOT THE SAME. How do women shower, shave, moisturize, do their hair (anywhere from blow drying to straightening to curling to fixing in a complicated hair style that would look like a 2 year old attempted it on my head. I hate my hair!), put on make up, get dressed (including panty hose, YUCK!), pick out shoes, accessorize (jewelry, purse, etc.) and then make it to work on time?

Sigh. I need more coffee just thinking about all of this.

Random Thoughts, Version....oh fuck it, I don't know.

2007-09-11T15:46:00.000-04:00

As you maybe could tell by my previous post, my head hurts. It has been hurting on and off (mostly on) since last Monday. I can't figure out what is causing it, and although it hasn't been as bad as it was on Labor Day (when I thought I was going to die), I would really like for it to stop. I'm thinking I should either give up caffeine or get a new bed. I'm also thinking that I will keep drinking caffeine and maybe sleep on the couch to see if that helps. Although next door neighbor would have to cooperate by TURNING THE GODDAMN RADIO OFF.
Wow, I'm cranky. I really really need a break...I haven't taken a vacation since Spring Break and I would really like to not to have to come to work for a week. I could actually, I don't know, catch up with school stuff and get ready for my area exam.
I am still sad about the death of a cat I knew for three weeks. No, I don't get attached to animals easily, why do you ask?
I think I have some kind of rash under my arms.
The conference I am going to in November has ALREADY cost me $1020. Jesus, I didn't realize it was that much...$420 airplane ticket, $500 hotel, $80 conference registration and special meals, and $20 to join the conference. I still have to pay for the majority of my meals while I am there, transportation to and from the airport, and anything extra I decide to do. This sure as hell better look damn good on my vitae. $1020 worth of good, actually.
I have definitely spent more money on my cat's health in the last year than on mine.
Chicago is coming up, and while I am pretty excited I am also nervous about missing that much study time. When I went to San Francisco two years ago I didn't realize how behind I would get. Also, a two day driving trip with my parents could go very very badly.
I taught Ollie (my cat) how to sit. He picked it up in a day and thought that if he followed me around and sat down next to me that he would get a treat. I'm the boss, dude, not you!
I read in my Entertainment Weekly magazine the other day that Christian Bale hated doing Newsies, especially the singing parts. Man, I still love you, but that movie rocks. I could (and have, probably) listen to that soundtrack every day and not be sick of it.
Some people on the internet crack me up. Probably the top three people I would love to meet are Holly, Sarah, and Jimbo. All great writers with that quick wit thing that I can never do. I'm that person standing there awkwardly going "Um....yeah...so, that was fun!" Plus they have all traveled to awesome places that I plan to go someday.
I figured out last week that perhaps the reason I love watching The Office so much is because Michael Scott reminds me of my boss. I won't elaborate here (don't want to get dooced!), but if you have seen the show you know what I am talking about. Oh, and I also love the theme song.
I would give all the money in my back account to be able to go home and take a nap right now.

2007-09-11T11:48:00.000-04:00

Um, hi achy and throbbing feeling? GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

kthxbye.

God damn it.

2007-09-08T13:21:00.000-04:00

Rest in peace, Vincent. We'll miss you.

I hope there is lots of turkey and love wherever you are.

It is a very sad day in the world.

2007-09-07T15:00:00.001-04:00

Author Madeleine L'Engle dies at 88

By CARA RUBINSKY, Associated Press Writer 52 minutes ago

HARTFORD, Conn. - Author Madeleine L'Engle, whose novel "A Wrinkle in Time" has been enjoyed by generations of schoolchildren and adults since the 1960s, has died, her publicist said Friday. She was 88.

L'Engle died Thursday at a nursing home in Litchfield of natural causes, according to Jennifer Doerr, publicity manager for publisher Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

The Newbery Medal winner wrote more than 60 books, including fantasies, poetry and memoirs, often highlighting spiritual themes and her Christian faith.

Although L'Engle was often labeled a children's author, she disliked that classification. In a 1993 Associated Press interview, she said she did not write down to children.

"In my dreams, I never have an age," she said. "I never write for any age group in mind. When people do, they tend to be tolerant and condescending and they don't write as well as they can write.

"When you underestimate your audience, you're cutting yourself off from your best work."

"A Wrinkle in Time" — which L'Engle said was rejected repeatedly before it found a publisher in 1962 — won the American Library Association's 1963 Newbery Medal for best American children's book. Her "A Ring of Endless Light" was a Newbery Honor Book, or medal runner-up, in 1981.

In 2004, President Bush awarded her a National Humanities Medal.

"Wrinkle" tells the story of adolescent Meg Murry, her genius little brother Charles Wallace, and their battle against evil as they search across the universe for their missing father, a scientist.

L'Engle followed it up with further adventures of the Murry children, including "A Wind in the Door," 1973; "A Swiftly Tilting Planet," 1978, which won an American Book Award; and "Many Waters," 1986.

Associated Press writers Polly Anderson in New York and John Christoffersen in New Haven contributed to this report.

------------------------------------------------------

Madeleine L'Engle was one of my very favorite authors, ever.

2007-09-07T10:23:00.001-04:00

I have the exact same reaction to both of these pictures:

2007-09-03T22:44:00.000-04:00

Oh, hello blog. Nice to see you, I think it has been awhile.

I had a migraine today. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a migraine. It lasted from mid-morning until about 8pm. I spent several hours on the floor of the bathroom, either leaning over the toilet or crying into the bathmat.

As a result, I didn't get done all of the stuff that I planned to do today.

2007-08-09T09:56:00.000-04:00

I am a bad, bad girl...no more buying ANYTHING for me. I've spent way too much money in the past two weeks. The credit card is going back in the freezer and I'm going back to being a social recluse. It's a good thing school is starting soon and I won't have time to buy stuff anymore.

2007-08-08T21:39:00.000-04:00

Why the HELL am I watching Bring It On: All or Nothing???

And what the hell is a "cheerocracy"?

2007-08-08T15:02:00.001-04:00

It's funny how much cleaner the office stays when you go from running 75 people in and out during a day down to...well, me.

Speaking of being clean, I ran out of Netflix last night and my DVR drive is EMPTY, so I ironed my new sheets. I also got a beautifully soft micro-fleece blanket from Target yesterday to match. Yes, it did cost $50 for the king size blanket, and no, I don't have a king size bed - but it is sooooooo soft. And although Target doesn't have the color I got on their website, it is same color as Ghost's eyes. A perfect match.

2007-08-07T12:13:00.000-04:00

I was just filling out my timesheet with yesterday's time and instead of reading "Time worked" at the top, I read "Time wasted."

Um....so far today? About 4.

If I had a time machine

2007-08-07T09:17:00.001-04:00

I would travel through time to see the original cast of every Broadway/West End show.

Except probably Hair. I don't really care for Hair, free love and hippie music aren't really my things.

Oh, and I would watch the revival of Company instead of the original because Raul Esparza melts my socks off.

Hell, if I have a time machine, I'll go see both the original and revival.

My new favorite thing?

2007-07-31T19:13:00.000-04:00

Sushi.

Yum.

Erin, wanna go eat Sushi this weekend?

Prepare for the middle class complaining that follows

2007-07-30T17:31:00.000-04:00

While I am not currently physically tired, I am tired of a lot of things.

I'm tired of having crappy hair.
I'm tired of always thinking about the future and saving and planning for things that will eventually, maybe happen.
I'm tired of looking the same way, dressing the same way, being the same way.
I'm damn tired of the city I live in.
I love my family but I am tired of getting a guilt trip every Sunday that I don't go to church. I don't like church. It is boring, and I always feel like I am being judged. Me and God are much closer when I sit outside at John Knox watching the stars than when I'm in a poorly air conditioned room being told I don't give enough money to the church. Oh, and that I need to work on my marriage.
I'm tired of not having enough to do at work. And I'm tired of feeling guilty about that.
I'm tired of running out of money at the end of every month and having to float checks until the 1st.
I'm tired of not being social. I want to meet new people, have fun, and be a little crazy.

I feel like I've been doing the same thing since high school - study, be responsible, do the right thing, think about the future, wait until the right time.

I'll tell you this - if I'm not purchasing airplane tickets to get my ass out of the state and then country this time next year I'm going to move to Russia. That'll shake things up. I'm holding on, I've only got one more year and then what I REALLY want to do will count.

2007-07-29T21:44:00.001-04:00

I'm a worrier.

I worry about everything and anything under the sun, although I try not to worry about trivial things five years in the future like my dad. (He worries about how my tires will perform in the snow when I live in Illinois. It is July. In Texas. I don't even know if I'm moving to Illinois, I don't know if I will have the same car, and if all the stars manage to align so that I do live in Illinois during the winter, I THINK I WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.)

Sooo, where was I? Oh right, me worrying. So today I was cleaning my apartment (hooray for not having to work ONE day during the week) and I noticed that it has taken me about 6 hours and I'm not done yet. I started to worry about what I will do when I have a house - will I be able to stand it not being clean? Will I have to start cleaning everyday even though I HATE doing something everyday? (Seriously, brushing my teeth and getting dressed everyday is a pain in the ass. Can we work out some kind of alternating day program that doesn't get me arrested or make my teeth fall out?) How will I ever be able to survive if it takes me six hours to clean two little rooms?

And then I realize...I don't have a house yet. I'm not planning to have a house for a loooooong time. I don't even WANT a house.

And that's when I know, I am turning into my father.

So do you HAVE to have chains to drive in the snow? Can't I just, I don't know, drive really slowly?

2007-07-27T10:31:00.000-04:00

Question: Is there some law out there stating that I will only spill my coffee on the days that I really really need it? Or on days that I particularly want to look nice? Or when I'm already cranky?

Grrrr.

What else?

Reading this blog makes me want to quit my job immediately and travel the world. I don't want to wait until next year, I want to go DO SOMETHING now. Right now.

Also, college freshman are extremely dumb. I thought you had to learn how to read before getting into a university, but apparently I was wrong.

My sleeve is now coffee-colored and clammy. Swell.

I'm worried about my cat. Again.

Boy howdy, I bet that I have brightened your day. I've decided that I need to sit down and write about some goals for myself, starting this weekend. I will be writing more.

2007-07-24T23:00:00.000-04:00

Am I the only person that is sad because little Topanga from "Boy Meets World" is now all grown up and pushing diet pills??

More tomorrow - I'm going to make an effort to get back to writing more.

Know what rocks?

2007-07-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

I forgot how much I like this cd:

Also, this is officially being delivered to my house tomorrow:

Notice that I said my house? Because I'm HOME BITCHES. No more housesitting for me!

2007-07-16T22:23:00.000-04:00

Grrrr.....

two of the three cats are still outside and both refuse to let me close to them. This is my second to the last night, damn it cats!

P.S. I get to go home on Wednesday. Thank God.

How sad am I?

2007-07-05T13:43:00.000-04:00

My last two emails have both been from Netflix.
I'm using the rest of my student loan money from the fall to fix my car instead of paying off my credit card. Being a grown-up sucks.
I spent the 4th of July sitting around an empty house with 5 1/2 cats. And then I ate dinner with my parents, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend. Wow, I have no social life.
House-sitting stressed me out. I also have discovered that I get very lonely in an empty house. At my little apartment I am fine, but one person in a three bedroom house is very depressing.
I have gotten approximately 60,000 mosquito bites in the last week, despite my EXTREMELY liberal application of sunscreen. [Edited to say: Um, I meant repellent. Obviously sunscreen would do very little to deter mosquitoes.]
I haven't read a book since I got back from Virginia.

2007-07-03T23:16:00.000-04:00

It's official. I hate house-sitting. I wish I could quit, because really, I don't need any more stress in my life.

Argh. Stupid cats that don't come when they are called.

Enohpi!

2007-07-01T22:54:00.000-04:00

Oh good God, I can't believe that the internet hasn't exploded with all of the geeks talking about their latest gadget. I refuse to mention the specific item because I think I will scream if I hear (well, read) the word one more time, but jeez louise people.

(I'm not jealous. At all. Really. Okay, whatever. I want one.)

Cause and Effect

2007-06-28T16:35:00.000-04:00

Because it appears that Texas is going to float away with all of the rain, these are being shipped to my house:

I hope they arrive before the ark does.

5 Second Movie Reviews

2007-06-27T12:47:00.000-04:00

The Office, Season 1 - Really liked it.
The Office, Season 2 - LOVED it. I have died laughing at least once each episode.
Children of Men - not for me. Too much war, not enough Clive Owen without his shirt.
Pan's Labyrinth - interesting, but too much violence again.

In summary: my next movies are all going to be comedies with happy endings. I've had enough violence and depression for awhile.

2007-06-23T17:51:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading the comments on another blog, and every single person responded with one of two answers - either "I have totally been there, I feel your pain" or "Don't worry, honey! I know the right person is just around the corner!" Other variations include "I had to wait a long time for the perfect man, but then I found him!" or "I've got a great guy, and I know that someday you will too."

I'm getting really tired of being assured that things will work out for me because they worked out for someone else. It strikes me as incredibly naive to think that there is one person out there for everyone. My belief in soulmates is limited to movies and books - I don't think that "my other half" is out there waiting for me to bump into him. I do think that someday I might meet the person I am going to marry, but if I don't...my life won't end. I won't spend the rest of my existence walking around, being only half of a person. I am a whole person right now. I don't want to be completed, and I don't want to have to complete anyone else.

Yes, I would like to have a partner - someone to work and play with, someone to share the same memories and stories with me. I suppose that is why I am so picky, and scared of being in a relationship. I'm afraid of being too caught up, or of losing who I am to someone else. I like who I am, and although I am willing to change with someone else, I'm not willing to change for them. And I don't expect someone else to change for me. I don't want to date someone that I can't see a future with, but I am also scared to start down that road when/if I do find someone.

If the perfect man is waiting just around the corner for me, I will probably walk right on by because I have no interest in perfection. Nor am I, in any way, perfect. I think I am over the stage in my life of sitting in a bar desperately hoping that the right guy will come in and notice me. It's not going to happen, and I want to quit putting my life on hold hoping that it does. I have plans, and although I don't really have everything figured out for my life, I know that I need to do a few things that don't include settling down, having kids, and working at a job that doesn't challenge me.

I'm glad that it worked out for you, but it may not for me. I'm learning to be okay with that, and I wish the rest of the world would try to do the same.

Here's to the ladies who lunch...

2007-06-22T13:16:00.000-04:00

The newest additions to my consumerist lifestyle include:

Netflix!! (I'm on the three DVDs at a time plan, so waiting in my mailbox at home are The Office, season 1, Children of Men, and Pan's Labyrinth)
Company (the latest Broadway soundtrack)
Company (the DVD of the original Broadway cast recording the soundtrack)
My beautiful new couch, courtesy of Pottery Barn and my parents (that is not my living room, but it the style of my new couch, called....The Pearce couch!!)

I've also watched Raul Esparza's performance of "Being Alive" from the Tony Awards about 300 times. A-MA-ZING. I get chills every time. Click here to watch him perform.

Camp went well, the conference went well, I'm house/pet-sitting next week...not much else is happening.

To cheer you up after my long absence!

2007-06-21T15:03:00.000-04:00

2007-06-02T20:43:00.000-04:00

I think I have lost the ability to write in paragraphs.

I took my big scary test today.

I got a raise, pretty much out of the clear blue sky.

Camp starts Monday.

I'm flipping back and forth between Never Been Kissed and Office Space.

I got a new couch. It is beautiful but didn't fit in through the front door.

I love my kitties.

The-End.

2007-06-01T22:49:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling good. I had energy, I bought lots of caffiene before work, and I came in ready to go.

I then spent the rest of the day struggling to keep from throwing my hands up and running screaming out the door.

It was a crappy crappy crappy day full of the things I hate, like power struggles and emotional conflicts.

2007-05-22T18:45:00.000-04:00

My Facebook status message says:

"Beth is feeling her head explode trying to get ready for math camp, the general exam, and the ChLA conference."

And that is pretty much all I have to say.

Hmmm...maybe I should just not have cable anymore

2007-05-18T22:43:00.000-04:00

Drive...two episodes and gone.
The Class...one season and gone.
Gilmore Girls - gone.
Veronica Mars - gone.
Now the only things I really like watching are Ugly Betty, Bones, and How I Met Your Mother. All of which I can watch online. True, I do also watch Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Scrubs, and Gray's Anatomy, but I can do without those.

So what do you think internet? Should I get rid of my cable, or give the new television another chance in the fall?

Random Thoughts, Version 2.0 (with rather more links that I expected)

2007-05-15T22:39:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get into the really morose/melancholy moods. I become convinced that everyone I know is going to die, or that I will lose my job, or that something really bad will happen to someone I know - so I sit around thinking about all the bad things that could happen to prepare myself. Tonight is one of those nights.
Whenever I read my Bloglines, I open each blog into a new tab so that I can read it in context. And sometimes to mix it up, I read from the last one to the first one. Also, while reading, I highlight text as I go along so that I can keep track of where I am reading. I do not do this in books.
Gilmore Girls ended tonight. I didn't realize how much I loved that show until they ended it PERFECTLY. The series romance is settled, but they didn't make it too gushy, and Rory is able to pursue her career without being saddled with a boyfriend. Although it may not have the longevity of Little Women, it will be right below it in my heart. Such a good show, about good people, with only a few falters. Although I like to think I would love more episodes, I think it is true that it is better to go out on the top rather than staying around too long (*cough* Friends *cough*).
Work is CRAZY right now. I don't want to get "dooced," so I will just say that we are coming into the busiest month of my life and I feel like someone enrolled me in a marathon sprint without telling me. I literally thought my head was going to explode this morning with trying to keep track of everything I needed to do. This brings me to my next thought.
I may not be around as much for the next month or so. The two weeks of hell starts in June. but the ramp leading up to it is getting steeper and steeper. And then I get to leave in the middle of everything to go to Virginia to give a paper discussing a book in front of two of my professors and the AUTHOR OF THE DAMN BOOK I WROTE ABOUT. Swell.
Who knew Fergie could actually sing? And hey, Jess from Gilmore Girls, remember your roots boy now that you're all hot stuff, making out with Fergie and having a new show and all. And by hot, I mean...hot.
I want this.
I've been reading a lot lately, and in a week or two I'm going to call the cable company to barter a deal. A deal you say? With the cable company? Yes. I'm going to see if I continue to pay them $7 a month for an equipment fee if I can keep my DVR for the summer but cancel my cable. I'll get it back in August/September, but I don't want it for the summer. I want to make better use of my time than sitting and watching useless shows or repeats of shows I've already seen. I'm not some crazy hipster, though, I still have my movies. And the cable is coming back.
When I was younger, the best part of my day was the time right before bed. I would lay in bed and dream of all the romantic, lovely, and exciting things that would happen to me in the future. Somewhere around the time I moved back home from my first year of college, that ended. Now I try to distract myself as much as possible before going to bed, so I don't have to worry, plan, and feel guilty about my day, the past, and what is inevitably coming up. I miss looking forward to things and not dreading them. I miss being friendly with the dark. And I miss wondering if someone else was thinking about me before they were going to sleep.

Good night, internet. Sweet dreams for us all.

Um....yeah....so....

2007-05-11T17:16:00.000-04:00

Hi there.

Sorry I've not been around, work has been crazy busy lately and the summer is coming faster than a freight train. I also have a bunch of school stuff/reading that I should be doing, including studying for two really huge tests and rewriting two papers for conferences.

This weekend my plans are as follows:

Tonight: hitting up Target to get my b&w pictures printed, then to the library for some reading
Tomorrow: sleeping in, washing the van and taking pictures of it to show to a potential buyer, then hanging out pool side with Erin. The evening will be rounded out by a cd-burning party.
Sunday: church, lunch, maybe seeing a movie, working on school stuff, reading

Oh, and also, Dell is taking a mother-fucking long time to order a simple monitor and speakers. Jeeze louise. I've been on hold for about 20 minutes already.

2007-05-09T22:06:00.000-04:00

Bridget: "Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that."
Mark: "Oh yes they fucking do."

The desk in my bedroom is arranged so that when I am looking at the computer screen, it completely blocks my view of the television. This is mostly a good thing (especially when writing papers), but other times it is frustrating (like when I just want to play on the internet or with iTunes and I can't see the damn tv).

Right now, though, I am watching a movie that I could watch either a) with the sound off or b) with no view of the tv at all and be just fine. I have seen this particular movie so many times that I really don't need both sound AND visual - I know exactly what is happening every second of the movie. I could recite the movie along with the soundtrack, or tell a blind person what is happening in every scene without looking.

Bridget Jones, I heart you.

And Mark Darcy....call me. I'm waiting.

2007-05-05T12:11:00.000-04:00

Do you know Target?

Target is the devil.

Or whatever circle of hell has those who spend too much money on things that they suddenly discovered that they really needed. Like I knew that I wanted some shoes, so I looked through all the shoes. I found some that were too tall, and some that were too ugly, but then I found these:

And then, when I was walking along I suddenly realized that I need towels. I really really need towels, because I only have one set that matches the rest of the stuff in my bathroom. After looking around and feeling lots of towels, I found a set that was both the right color and nice a squishy.

These are pretty much the towels I found, except mine have a pretty scroll pattern where these have stripes. I think mine are prettier. Anyway, just as I was walking towards the cash registers, I realized that I am tired of all the artwork I have in my apartment. I've had the same posters since 7th grade (well, most of them) and I want to change it up. Make everything a little more mature. And since I've been having fun the last year or so taking pictures I thought it would be fun to print out some of my pictures in black and white and frame them in nice black frames. Pretty, more grown up, and something I actually created. The frame I got at Target looks something like this:

Except that it is much longer, and with five places for pictures. And it was only $12.

And now, after I pour myself another cup of coffee, I am going to clean my apartment from top to bottom. It is kind of pathetic how excited I am about cleaning my apartment. My co-worker recommended using vingear to get rid of the flaky stuff left behind from water (like in the kitty's water bowl and the bottom of the sink). And, I want to take down all of my wall decorations and look through the stuff on Flickr. I may do that at the office, because making photos into black and white is MUCH simplier in iPhoto.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Hello world, this is my quick update.

2007-05-03T20:46:00.000-04:00

I have finished writing my papers!

I have a bajillion things to do at work.

I just went shopping and bought nothing.

I'm very sad that this is the last season of Gilmore Girls.

Um, ouch.

2007-04-30T23:41:00.000-04:00

Perfectionism

Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good enough?
Do you often put off turning in papers or projects, waiting to get them just right?
Do you feel you must give more than 100 percent on everything you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?

If so, rather than simply working toward success, you may in fact be trying to be perfect. Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals. Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen in our society as desirable or even necessary for success. However, recent studies have shown that perfectionistic attitudes actually interfere with success. The desire to be perfect can both rob you of a sense of personal satisfaction and cause you to fail to achieve as much as people who have more realistic strivings.
Causes of Perfectionism

If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that you learned early in life that other people valued you because of how much you accomplished or achieved. As a result you may have learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. Thus your self-esteem may have come to be based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect yourself from such criticism, you may decide that being perfect is your only defense.
A number of the following negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs may be associated with perfectionism:
Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value.
Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
Fear of disapproval. If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations in perspective. For example, a straight "A" student who receives a "B" might believe, "I am a total failure."
Overemphasis on "shoulds." Perfectionists' lives are often structured by an endless list of "shoulds" that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires.
Believing that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate.

The Vicious Cycle of Perfectionism
Perfectionistic attitudes set in motion a vicious cycle. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals. Second, they fail to meet these goals because the goals were impossible to begin with. Failure to reach them was thus inevitable. Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure reduce productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming which results in lower self-esteem. It may also lead to anxiety and depression. At this point perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different goals thinking, "This time if only I try harder I will succeed." Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.
This vicious cycle can be illustrated by looking at a way in which perfectionists often deal with interpersonal relationships. Perfectionists tend to anticipate or fear disapproval and rejection from those around them. Given such fear, perfectionists may react defensively to criticism and in doing so frustrate and alienate others. Without realizing it, perfectionists may also apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding of them. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting others see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this vicious cycle perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and therefore have less than satisfactory interpersonal relationships.
Healthy Striving

Healthy goal setting and striving are quite different from the self-defeating process of perfectionism. Healthy strivers tend to set goals based on their own wants and desires rather than primarily in response to external expectations. Their goals are usually just one step beyond what they have already accomplished. In other words, their goals are realistic, internal, and potentially attainable. Healthy strivers take pleasure in the process of pursuing the task at hand rather than focusing only on the end result. When they experience disapproval or failure, their reactions are generally limited to specific situations rather than generalized to their entire self-worth.
What to do About Perfectionism

The first step in changing from perfectionistic attitudes to healthy striving is to realize that perfectionism is undesirable. Perfection is an illusion that is unattainable. The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism. Some of the following strategies may help:
Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs and what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to achieve and also will lead to a greater sense of self-esteem.
Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment.
Experiment with your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 60 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are not perfect.
Focus on the process of doing an activity not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how much you enjoyed the task. Recognize that there can be value in the process of pursuing a goal.
Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, "Have I set up impossible expectations for myself in this situation?"
Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, "What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?"
Recognize that many positive things can only be learned by making mistakes. When you make a mistake ask,
"What can I learn from this experience?" More specifically, think of a recent mistake you have made and list all the things you can learn from it.
Avoid all-or-none thinking in relation to your goals. Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort. Once you have tried these suggestions, you are likely to realize that perfectionism is not a helpful or necessary influence in your life. There are alternative ways to think that are more beneficial. Not only are you likely to achieve more without your perfectionism, but you will feel better about yourself in the process.

I think I need to update my slang

2007-04-30T13:43:00.000-04:00

This is a list of slang from the 90s. I only got to the b's because dude, I'm supposed to be writing a paper, but I very much still use most of these. And not in an ironic way.

Dear Internet,

2007-04-30T12:10:00.000-04:00

I can't decide if these shoes are cute, or for old ladies...what do you think?

Also, I think I have a shoe problem. I haven't bought any in awhile, but tomorrow is payday....

Things that I love right now

2007-04-29T12:33:00.000-04:00

the tree outside of my window
the birds that hang out on my patio, eat all the bird food, and crap all over the place - especially the doves
my kitties, even though I shipped them off to the grandparents for the weekend
that Wednesday is coming
my summer blanket I put on my bed yesterday
COFFEE
traveling - apparently 2007 is the year of traveling to places I never thought I would go (Virginia, Memphis, Chicago)
my laptop, although I wish it was smart enough to drain all the information out of my brain, synthesize it, and then translate into a paper for me while I am re-reading the Harry Potter books out by the pool
clean laundry
Febreeze
getting paid on Tuesday

Oh holy jesus

2007-04-28T17:39:00.000-04:00

I just couldn't remember how old I am. I was all: am I 26? Maybe 25? I thought I was 25. Did someone remember to tell me that I turned 26? Okay, what's 2007 minus 1981? 26, right? Oh wait, my birthday isn't until December. That means I am still 25.

Also, you should see this cartoon (click to make it larger).

Item #9487438 for avoiding working on a paper?

2007-04-28T14:33:00.000-04:00

Googling procrastination.

How pathetic am I????

These things are really the same

2007-04-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

Usually when I think about moving I get lost in the idea of looking for a new apartment, the hunt for hardwood floors and a fireplace, getting to unpacking everything in a new space (my absolute favorite part of moving). I think about how exciting it will be to find a new coffee shop, or being able to walk to the grocery store, being able to be a new person, meeting new people.

Last night I remembered the other part of moving - the terrifying feeling that you are leaving everything and everyone you know behind. Having to make new friends, figure out where to go to get your car fixed, not having anyone to go to the movies with, being far away from your family, have to spend too much money traveling back and forth...

I think knowing that I've already moved across the country once before kind of hampers my judgment. I know both the awesome things about it, and the scary things. I LOVED being on my own, and exploring new places, and doing things that I NEVER would have done at home, but people were not as friendly as I thought they would be, and I was put in several situations that I never want to be in again. Also, I really missed my family and friends and it felt like their world was moving on without me.

Everything is becoming a little more real to me as I inch closer to graduation, and the pressure to HAVE A PLAN ALREADY is starting to get me. I am tired of having to say "I don't know" whenever anyone asks me what I am going to do after December. And although it seems like I have been in school for forever, I'm afraid if I leave it for too long before going back I won't remember anything.

I'm also procrastinating a little bit about writing these papers. You'd think by now I'd have to learned to just sit down and do it already.

2007-04-26T15:47:00.000-04:00

Paint fumes making it hard to think

more bomb threats

still with the papers already?

I have $5.69 in my bank account.

2007-04-25T14:16:00.000-04:00

I really really really want these shoes. A lot. I love them. I will name them Stella and be their best friend.

These are beautiful as well. They would look awesome with some skirts I have, and with pants. Mmmm.

These are also really cute, especially for the summer.

These are just for fun. Hello fun shoes, will you be mine?

Does anyone have approximately $1000 to give to me so that I can buy shoes? Thanks!

I could have been a millionaire

2007-04-25T13:02:00.000-04:00

I TOTALLY had this idea 10 years ago. Except instead of calling someone an idiot through the back of my car, I had a "sorry" button.

Yesterday...was one hell of a day!

2007-04-25T10:28:00.000-04:00

Things that happened yesterday:

There was a bug in my coffee (which I fortunately did not drink).
I went to the eye doctor
I got a free lunch (with one and a half desserts!)
There was a bomb threat in the English building, forcing them to evacuate and my favorite class to be canceled.
The painters came to paint the trim in our office. They sanded the trim first (usual paint practice). My boss, not being the most practical of people, couldn't figure out what they had done, so he rubbed his finger on the trim. Then he licked his finger. I have no idea why.
I had a minor panic attach about the mail.
I gave a 10 minute presentation about a paper I haven't written. Actually, it was more like 5 minutes, because...well, I haven't written it yet!
I found out when I will be giving my paper at the conference this summer. It was rather surreal seeing my name and the title of my paper on the schedule.
My co-worked abandoned me for California. She won't be back until Monday.
I spent the vast majority of my evening class trying to figure out why there seems to be a particular sub-species of boys in graduate school that are able to think brilliant, abstract, obscure, and philosophic thoughts but are completely unable to take care of themselves. I think they live on coffee and cigarettes, don't sleep, wear nice shoes with horrible shirts, and always have bed head. I would like to send them home, make them take a shower, change clothes, eat a real meal, and then come back to school with a little more common sense. [pause] I was totally paying attention in class, I swear. I was also not playing with my bottle of water and pen making watercolor paintings on my notes. Definitely not.

An evening at my house

2007-04-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

Or, what happens after I work on a paper for five hours.

This is what Ghost does. Notice the blanket over the chair, and the paw over the eyes.

This is what Ollie does. Notice the jacket over his bed.

This is the stack of book and articles that I am using for ONE of my papers. Yes, I said one. The stack for the other is much smaller because a)I hate the class b)I think the material I have to use is stupid and c)I don't want to write the paper. And also I can't find much. Anyway, here is the stuff for the paper I am excited about writing.

Unless you are really into children's literature most of that makes no sense to you, but I find it interesting. The book I'm using is Diana Wynne Jones' Fire and Hemlock. Good stuff.

Well, I need to decide if I am jazzed enough on caffiene to finish what I was working on, or if I am sleepy enough to go to bed. I think I'll work for a little longer since I just wasted 30 minutes talking to you people.

PAPERS!

2007-04-23T11:45:00.000-04:00

This song in my theme song right now:

[LUCY]
A book report on Peter Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, Peter ra-

[LINUS (overlapping)]
A book report on Peter Rabbit, Peter ra-

[SCHROEDER (overlapping)]
A book report on Peter Rabbit, ra-

[CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)]
A book report on Peter ra-

[ALL]
-Abbit.

[LUCY]
Peter Rabbit is this stupid book
About this stupid rabbit who steals
Vegetables from other peoples' gardens
[She counts the words so far]
Hmm. 83 to go.

[SCHROEDER]
The name of the book about which
This book report is about is
Peter Rabbit which is about this
Rabbit.
I found it very-
I liked the part where-
It was a-

It reminded me of "Robin Hood"
And the part where Little John jumped from the rock
To the Sheriff of Nottingham's back.
And then Robin and everyone swung from the trees
In a sudden surprise attack.
And they captured the sheriff and all of his goods
And they carried him back to their camp in the woods
And the sheriff was guest at their dinner and all
But he wriggled away and he sounded the call
And his men rushed in and the arrows flew-
Peter Rabbit did sort of that kind of thing too.

[LUCY]
The other people's name was Macgregor.
[counts to 23]
Ohh!

[LINUS]
In examining a book such as Peter Rabbit, it is important that
the superficial chracteristics of its deceptively simple plot
should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substancial
fabric of its deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the
sociological implications of family pressures so
great as to drive an otherwise moral rabbit to
perform acts of thievery which he consciously knew were
against the law. I also hope to explore the personlaity of Mr.
Macgregor in his comflicting roles as farmer and humanitarian.

Peter Rabbit is established from the start as a benevolent hero
and it is only...

[CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)]
If I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is no good at all.
I'll get a fresh start tomorrow
And it's not due till Wednesday
So I'll have all of Tuesday
Unless something should happen.
Why does this always happen,
I should be outside playing
Getting fresh air and sunshine,
I work best under pressure,
And there'll be lots of pressure
If I wait till tomorrow
I should start writing now.
But I if I start writing now
When I'm nbot really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is
No good at all.

[LUCY]
The name of the rabbit was Peter
[counts to 30]
Yes!

[SCHROEDER]
Down came the staff on his head- smaah!
And Robin fell like a sack full of lead- crash!
The sheriff laughed and he left him for dead- ah!
But he was wring

[LUCY]
35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40.

[SCHROEDER]
Just then an arrow flew in- whing!
It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing!
And then it looked like the sheriff would win- ah!
But not for long.
Away they ran.
Just lke rabbits.
Who run a lot
As you can tell
From the story
Of Peter Rabbit
Which this report
Is about.

[SALLY/SNOOPY]
Rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits...

[CHARLIE BROWN]
How do they expect us to
Write a book report
Of any quality
In just two days

How can they
Conspire to
Make life so mis'rable
And so effectively
In so many ways

[LUCY]

There were vegetables
In the garden

Such as carrots and spinach
And onions and lettuce
And turnips and parsley
And okra and cabbage
And string beans ans parsnips
Tomatoes, potatoes, asparagus
Cauliflower, rhubarb and chives.

[LINUS]
Not to mention the extreme pressure exterted on him
bu his deeply rooted rivalry with Flopsy, Mopsy and
Cottontail!

[SALLY/SNOOPY]
Rabbits, rabbits, chasing rabbits...

[CHARLIE]
If I start
Writing now
When I'm not
Really rested
It could
Upset my
Thinking
Which is
Not good
At all
Not good
At all.

Oh.

First thing
After dinner
I'll start

[SCHROEDER]
The name of
The book
A bout which
This book
Report is
About is

Peter Rabbit,
Peter Rabbit

All for one
Ev'ry man
Does his part

Oh.

[LINUS]
What drove

An otherwise
Moral rabbit

To perform
Acts of

Thievery?
Thievery!

Sociological
Implications
Fam'ly
Pressure

Simple plot

[LUCY]
Peter Rabbit
Is this stupid
Book about this
Stupid rabbit
Who steals
Vegetables
From other
Peoples'
Gardens.

Gardens,
Gardens,

75,76

77,78,79,80
81,
82.

[SNOOPY/SALLY]
Rabbit
Chasing
Rabbit
Chasing
Rabbit
Chasing
Rabbit

Chasing!
Chasing!

Rabbits,
Rabbits
Chasing
Rabbits
Find a rabbit
Do or die!

[LUCY]
And they were very, very, very, very, very, very
Happy to be home.

[SCHROEDER/SALLY/SNOOPY]
The end.

[LUCY]
...94, 95. The very, very, very end.

[LINUS]
A-men

[CHARLIE BROWN]
A book report on Peter Rab-

[CHARLIE]
-Bit

Just start
Writing

You can do it

Nothing to it

Got to

Start-

Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!

[SCHROEDER]
Peter Rabbit
Was
A lot like
Robin Hood

Peter Rabbit
Was
A lot like
Robin Hood

Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!

[LINUS]
Sociological

Implications

Joined with

Familial
Condemnations

Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!

[LUCY]
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit
Peter Rabbit

Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!

[SNOOPY/SALLY]
Rabbit!

Rabbit!

Rabbit!

Rabbit!

Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!
Rabbit!

[CHARLIE BROWN]
I haven't even started yet!

[ALL]
Peter Rabbit!

-- "The Book Report" from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker...

2007-04-21T18:01:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, I am one of those people that get obsessed with things. Songs, movies, books, I can listen/watch/read certain things over and over again. Not only is it comforting to me that some things remain the same, I just get into certain moods.

This morning after breakfast I turned my television to the Broadway songs channel. While I was doing the dishes, a song came on that reminded me of another song. I sang it to myself over and over until I was able to dry my hands, run to the computer, and look up the song. At first I thought I owned the song so I looked through my iTunes, but I couldn't find it. Turning to my old friend Google, I immediately found my song and realized where I knew it from.

"Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me."

I know it seems kind of corny, but this song is featured in one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City. Mr. Big has decided to leave New York, and he and Carrie have a beautiful moment dancing to this song. I'm not sure why, but that moment really touches me, and I've watched the entire episode three times now. If I had any money, I would download the song and listen to it over and over.

The song manages to express exactly what I feeling at this moment. I love it when that happens.

2007-04-20T16:11:00.000-04:00

My office houses the mechanics for the campus bell. Twice this week we have watched someone come in, set the machine, and then wait while it slowly rings out 32 times. Once it was for a campus memorial, and then today for the nationwide moment of silence. It really hasn't sunk it that each one of those bell tolls symbolize a life. An entire life, an entire person, summed up and memorialized in a bell toll.

As one of the comments says, this is the most useful writing about the past week that I've read so far. Especially the part about journalists/politicians using the event for their own motivations.

2007-04-19T22:13:00.000-04:00

I'm going to see Bowling for Soup tonight!! A Hangover You Don't Deserve has been our road trip cd for years, and now I get to see it live. Although, I think we will be chilling at the back this time, unlike the Blue October show. I don't need one of my friends to faint...again...and be escorted out by a med team/security...again.

FUCK!!!!

2007-04-18T16:21:00.000-04:00

I just deleted everything I had been working on the for the past WEEK. It is completely gone. Half of our website is gone.

Excuse me while I go alternate between:

Shouting "FUCK!!!!" and hitting my head on my desk
Sobbing

2007-04-16T22:55:00.000-04:00

"A White House spokesman said President Bush was horrified by the rampage and offered his prayers to the victims and the people of Virginia. "The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed," spokeswoman Dana Perino said."

So in addition to comforting the friends and family of people who died today in Virginia, our president took the time to push his own agenda.

I can't even begin to try to write about what happened today.

2007-04-16T17:13:00.000-04:00

I can't look at the news any more. I just can't.

Every time I hear a siren, or some one shouting outside of my office, I flinch.

And now when I hear people curse the chance that was wasted...

2007-04-13T16:31:00.000-04:00

I can't stand any of Sheryl Crow's songs (even though I own one of her cds, sorry 7th grade me), except "Begin the Beguine" on the De-Lovely soundtrack. This song has been repeating on my iPod for about three days - it's a darn good thing I don't share my office with anyone, because they probably would have killed me by now.

In other news, everyone has left me at work all by myself. This often happens on Fridays. And they wonder why I don't get anything done on Fridays! (Actually, no, no one wonders that because really, I work very hard 90% of the time.) It makes me sad to be at work by myself, I got used to working with 20-30 other staff members and 50-100 kids. I was NEVER alone at the daycare, unless I was about to leave. And then it was creepy.

Oh, and I get to go out with my girls tonight! Since I so cleverly saved $100 on my airplane ticket to Virgina, I can now do stuff! Like buy food! And alcohol! Aren't you excited for me! Bring on the expensive margaritas and cheap mixed drinks!

Whew, that was a lot of exclamation points. But seriously, kids, I have two papers due in 18 days. I know this because I set a countdown on my widgets, so it tells me EXACTLY how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds I have left. Swell. One paper is half written (in my head) and the other one is...well, not quite so far. I have a topic, though. Sort of. Actually, if you know anything at all about Milton, cognitive science, or psychology, please email me. Preferably, if you know about all three.

Thanks Internet, have a great weekend!

So far gone, yet not so long

2007-04-12T13:58:00.000-04:00

Instead of boring you with excuses for not posting, I will just cut it short and instead offer you a list (yay!) of things I am obsessed with. Just because.

I always have a book with me. One of my greatest fears (besides being suffocated or dying alone) is being stuck somewhere with nothing to do. I've been doing this since I was a child, and it feels very wrong and unnatural to be somewhere without something to read. Lately, with the stress of paper and conferences building, I have been carrying around two-four books. I would excuse it by reminding you that I am an English major, but really I'm just a dork like that. (In the interest of being completely honest I do not carry a book when I go out to bars, but that is mostly because I don't carry a purse. Credit card, id, lipstick, and keys are the only essentials I will subject to the noxious clouds of smoke in the bars around here. Oh, and my lungs, but whatever.)
I've mentioned my love of Burt's Bees Wax and Precise Rolling Ball V5 Extra Fine blue pens before, but it bears repeating here. I love my Burt's (petroleum free!), especially the pepperminty smell. Also, the Precise Rolling Ball V5 Extra Fine blue pen is the best pen ever invented, and it is very fun to set the end down on a napkin (or a piece of paper during class) and just want the color bleed out. See what I am forced to do to amuse myself when I don't have a book?
My cats. I know it is unhealthy to be obsessed with one's pets and that I should be out "living life" and "meeting people" and "finding the one" but all of that makes me tired and confused. I love talking, hanging out with, snuggling, and playing with the boys. Even when Ghost accidentally scratches me through three blankets, or Ollie bites my nose. They are so much more easy to get along with that people, and they love me because I feed them. Simple. My parents keep bugging me to bring the cats over to their house, but I HATE being at my apartment without them. It's so lonely.
Musicals. My goal is to collect every musical soundtrack ever recorded, and I've made a good start down that road. Sometime I will be forced to decide what cds I need to take off my iPod to make room for the news ones, but for now I've only filled up 16/30GBs. I've got a few years to go.
Laundry. I love doing laundry, I love putting it away, I love how everything looks when it is all hung up, I love putting the soap in the washer and watching it fill up, I love putting dirty clothes in and getting clean clothes out, I love Febreeze. I even enjoy ironing, although you wouldn't really know it by looking at me - I only manage to do it one every two months or so.
Reading blogs/checking my email. Even on the weekends, I check Bloglines and my email constantly. I just have to know what is going on in the world (of blogs) and if I've received my daily allotment of junk mail.

Do you know what is great?

2007-04-05T19:23:00.000-04:00

Cheerleader U. I know, I know, but it is a quality non-brain related activity.
I received a check for $400 in the mail today. I don't get to go shopping or anything, but I do get to buy a ticket to Virginia for this summer. Who hoo!
Having my cat sitting on the couch behind me with one paw in my shoulder. Too sweet.
Getting off @ noon tomorrow.
Eating mashed potatoes, toast, and cheese for dinner. Because, you know, I can.

2007-04-04T17:57:00.000-04:00

Funniest. thing. ever.

I LOVE this movie!

2007-04-04T15:25:00.000-04:00

Watch, laugh, thank me by buying me dinner. Or whatever. :)

2007-04-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

THIS is the only way to make bars and graphs fun - why did no think to make them into roller coasters before???

Archery, goals, and friendship bracelets

2007-04-03T10:28:00.000-04:00

My second summer working at camp, I was co-counselors with a girl that hated me. She kept looking at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, and she never talked. I was terrified of spending an entire week with this girl, and I just knew that it would be one of the most uncomfortable, tense weeks of my life.

A few days into the session our cabin of little girls decided that they want to sign up for archery. As my co-counselor and I sat on the ground calling out instructions to the little 8 year-old girls, we started talking. I mentioned that I wanted to be really good at something random, like making friendship bracelets (which, by the way, I have been designated the "Queen of Friendship Bracelets"). I'm not sure how it happened, but we decided that we would become really good (Olympic quality) at archery. That way, at parties, we could whip out a bow & arrow and show off our random skills. We had a hysterically funny time letting each of the girls take one turn with the bows, then we would give ourselves 15 turns. We bonded that day, and I was later a bridesmaid at her wedding. She insists that she never hated me, and that she looked at everyone like that.

Lately, it seems like people have been talking about their life-goals. Their goals are not far-off dreams (playing in the NBA, becoming president, etc.) but actual things they hope to accomplish. When I think about my goals, I think about that day on the archery field. Although I have a few normal things - living in NYC for at least a year, traveling through Europe, collecting the soundtrack to every (good) musical - I can't really name my real goal. I'm not sure if writing a book is really something I want to do, I don't want to be the CEO (or whatever) of a company, I don't want to own my own business. I'm still trying to figure out what my life goal is, or should be.

I do know that I would like to do (or be) something different, or have one little area of expertise that is better than almost anyone else. Maybe better is not the right word, but along those lines. Definitely not archery, I hit the tree and the grass as often as the target, but something at which I can be really really good - even if it is really tiny and only a few people would ever know my specialty.

To quote Jo March, "I'm not sure what it is, but I'm on the watch for it."

Would You Like to Have a Good Friday?

2007-03-30T16:51:00.000-04:00

Then read THIS!!!!! :)

And, because it is Friday and I posted 4 times yesterday, that's all you get.

Are you sick of me yet?

2007-03-29T17:36:00.000-04:00

I am aware that this is my 4th post of the day, but a)it's my website and I can do what I want and b)I've been reading blogs all day today it makes me feel bloggy. Is that a word? I'm fairly certain it isn't.

There is a point to this post, I swear. I've decided that tonight I am not going to stay late at work. Nor am I going to go walking. No, tonight I am going to go home, put on my most comfortable pajamas, take my laptop to the bedroom and spend the rest of the evening in bed. I may watch a sappy movie, I may read, but by golly I will be sitting/lying on my bed. I'm tired of this sitting up, walking around, and being awake stuff.

2007-03-29T16:57:00.000-04:00

Grrrrr...I hate it when Bloglines is not working correctly, but does not have a message saying so. Picking up posts 48 hours after they have gone online IS NOT WORKING FOR ME. I need entertainment, damnit!

Oh, and how much of a dork am I, that I am so excited for Dooce to get a new house?!

Linky Love

2007-03-29T14:00:00.000-04:00

If you are very observant, you have noticed that I have updated my links on the right.

I've been in kind of a lull at work lately, so I've been reading ALL of Fish's archives. Very, very worth reading even if reading them makes you want to knock over a bank, buy a one-way ticket to NYC for myself and the cats, then hire movers to bring the rest of my stuff once I've found a place to live. Well, that was a tangent, and the point is that if you are experiencing a similar lull, you should go read This Fish Needs a Bicycle. Or, just put off everything you are supposed to be doing and go read. 'Cause that's really what I'm doing.

TMI

2007-03-29T11:09:00.000-04:00

I do not understand why the instructions on my underwear says to turn them inside out before washing. Seriously, what is the point? That would be like turning my bra inside out. Or a towel. There ISN'T an inside out!

And also? My underwear is from Sri Lanka. It has traveled more than I have.

Moving up and onward!

2007-03-28T11:07:00.000-04:00

I've moved on from Spring Awakening and have now listened to the Evita soundtrack for two days in a row. A singing Antonio Banderas is hella sexy.

I've also spent the morning making lists, and no I won't post them on here. It might get a little ridiculous (even for me!) to make a list of my lists. Suffice to say that I have a very busy weekend ahead. This is the first weekend in quite a while that I haven't had a birthday/concert/holiday/celebration (i.e. Erin and I went shopping and wanted to wear our new stuff) of some kind to attend. Not that I mind all of those things, I've had a lot of fun, but I need a solid weekend of cleaning, reading, researching, and catching up on sleep.

I'm also trying to be much better about my money stuff. Instead of thinking, "I just got paid, so I can buy a bunch of stuff and then not buy anything for the rest of the month!" I will be thinking, "I don't have much money right now, so I need to focus on saving/paying things off." I'm trying to think of what I want in the future and not what I want this second. I've already frozen my credit card; I literally put it in a jar of water in the freezer. That way it is still there if I absolutely need it, but I will have to think long and hard about using it while it is thawing out. I'm also thinking about canceling my cable this summer. There are no new shows on, and anything I really want to watch I can rent or download from iTunes. I have TONS of movies to watch, and I should be spending most of the summer reading. I have two shelves a books to read, and there are lots more I would like to look into - and I will use the library! I really should sit down and enter some stuff into Microsoft Money/make a budget - maybe that can be something I do tonight or tomorrow night.

Oh, I'm also trying to stop drink soda again. I though if I gave up the regular sodas and just drank diet ones that I was doing good, but then I read this article. Scary much? So I'm going to focus on drinking coffee and LOTS of water. Water is good for me.

Oh my.......

2007-03-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

They are making a new Nancy Drew movie, God help us all.

How do we keep all our passions alive, as we used to do?

2007-03-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

Sometimes even a great hair day and a cute skirt won't lift the funk, and stupid little things get to me. I think that there needs to be MORE PEOPLE here; I need variety and more socialization.

It is nice, though, when you realize that your best friend knows you almost as well as you know yourself. :)

I am ready for a change. I need to shake things up, discover something (or someone) new, rearrange the furniture. It is not the right time yet, but I am getting myself ready to move to a new place...It seems like a ridiculously long time, but in two years I may be living across the country. I have no idea what I will be doing, or where I am going, but I know I want to get there. I think I'm suffocating here, among people that inevitably know my parents, or I went to high school with their daughter, or used to be my teacher. I need new people, new places, new ideas. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world (far, FAR from it), but even I get tired of going to the same places all the time, and having the same experiences.

But, until I finish grad school (Dec. '07), the least at my apartment runs out (May '08), and I save up enough money (???), I am stuck.

Anyone want to come over and help me rearrange furniture this weekend?

Lazy Sunday?

2007-03-26T17:10:00.000-04:00

I kept thinking that I was going to have to write about what a lazy slob I was yesterday, and then I actually sat down and thought about what I did. And I realized that I actually did accomplish a few things, including:

Made fettucini alfredo from scratch
Made queso
Made coffee
Made macaroni & cheese (I was trying to make enough food for the week so that I wouldn't have to cook later)
Did the dishes
Did ALL of my laundry, including hanging everything up
Cleaned off my desk
Searched for my lost staff id & $20 copy card
Read a book (although it was a small one)
Watched 2 shows saved on my DVR
Took my dad to San Antonio
Told the story of Saturday night three times
Slept in AND took nap (recovering from previously mentioned Saturday night)
Put up all of my shoes
Made the bed

I don't think that is too shabby, do you? The real reason I felt like I didn't get anything accomplished is that I didn't really do any of the school things I needed to, and my floors are a MESS. I really need to sweep, mop, and vacuum. The only problem is that I don't have enough time until Wednesday to do the manual labor involved, I'm almost out of Swiffer wet-jet pads for the mop, and I've had my vacuum for 2 years now and have never changed a single filter on it. Tonight I need to:

Clean the litter box (sorry kids, but it must be done)
Decide upon a paper topic (and write up exactly what it is I will be writing about, including a paper title)
Make sure that said paper topic does not overlap too much with previous articles written by people who know a lot more than me
Read a chapter of a very complex book all about cognitive science (don't EVEN get me started), then outline it
Read perhaps another book for my magical realism class, because I think I read the wrong one
Sleep

And maybe someday I will get around to actually posting a real entry that does not include a list in any form. But, until then I am going to set iTunes to random, answer an email, and actually work for the remaining 40 minutes.

2007-03-26T14:52:00.000-04:00

Um, did these girls just make an Anne of Green Gables reference? I think they did! I knew I loved them!!!

Who is going to see this show tonight? ME, that's who!

2007-03-24T11:55:00.000-04:00

I am a planner.

2007-03-24T00:48:00.000-04:00

I plan things. Lots of things. Just about everything, some would say.

And I don't like it when my plans don't work out.

Movies that I have seen 6,000 times and could watch another 6,000 times

2007-03-23T14:42:00.000-04:00

(Also known as my version of cinematherapy; I wrote the bulk of this post during Spring Break but it has taken me awhile to do all of the pictures and links.)

Bridget Jones' Diary

Preferably the first one, but the second one will do in a pinch. I can recite this movie line-by line. Literally.

Chasing Liberty

I love Mandy Moore, and that guy's British accent kills me. Plus, Jeremy Piven is hilarious.

The Chronicles of Riddick

For when I feel like kicking a little ass. Or looking at a REALLY well-built man. Mmmm.

Clueless

The movie of my adolescence. Such a great movie, especially the little monologues. AND, it is based on Jane Austen, hello!

Elektra

Another movie for when I feel like kicking ass. While some may say this is not the best movie ever, I love it. And to those people that say this is not a good movie, I say: Please bitch, you only wish you could wear red lingerie and swing around those knife things.

Emma

Again, Jane Austen, yay! Although I choose Children's Lit as my focus in grad school, I could have also gone with Victorian Lit. Jane Eyre would be on this list if I found a movie version that didn't SUCK ASS. Anyway, this is a great movie.

The Fifth Element

I LOVE THIS MOVIE. I don't even know why, but I just do. My parents think it is strange, but I don't care. I have it on DVD, but every time it comes on tv I can't help but watch it.

Funny Girl

People...people who need people...just kidding. Singing, comedy, and the inability of people to work out their marriages. Love it. I think everyone should have to watch this movie, it is a classic.

Little Women

Ahhhh, I think I have mentioned before, but this movie (and the book) makes me feel safe, and as if the world makes sense. Even if it really doesn't.

Love Actually
I cry every single time I watch this movie, I can't help it. I love the music, and there are enough storylines to keep me involved every time I watch it. My favorite scenes are Emma Thompson listening to Joni Mitchell and that guy freaking out when the girl who married his best friend finds out that he likes her. It sounds like a soap opera, but it is great stuff.

The Matchmaker
I'm watching this right now...I usually pair it with The Truth About Cats and Dogs and have a Janeane Garofalo movie fest. I never heard about this movie until I pulled the VHS out of the bargain bin, but now I watch it once a year or so. It's a cute little movie in Ireland, and I love how the guy starts off as a idiot and then becomes human.

The Matrix (ONLY the first one)

Such a good movie, I was so sad when they had to fuck it up with the second and third ones. I just pretend that they don't exist.

Meet Joe Black

For when I feel like crying. A very subtle, slow movie; very well done.

My Best Friend's Wedding

This movie is also a classic, especially the music. Rupert Everett cracks me up, as done the scene at the restaurant where they all bust out into song.

Newsies

I memorized all the words to the songs to this movie LONG before they released the soundtrack on cd. I've seen it THAT many times. A great, great movie - a must for anyone that likes musicals.

Playing By Heart

This used to be my favorite movie of all time, and I still like it although I can't watch it as much as before. An excellent example of story interweaving, and it also has an awesome soundtrack.

Pirates of the Caribbean (ONLY the first one)

Funny, funny stuff, especially the scene on the beach after Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann get drunk together. "But why is the rum gone?!?!"

Sliding Doors

Another bargain bin discovery, this is a strange, wonderfully weird movie. And by golly, those accents always get me.

The Sound of Music

There is nothing I can say about this movie that hasn't been said before, so I'm not going to explain why I watch it over and over - I simply do.

10 Things I Hate About You

The last year I worked at summer camp, I watched this movie during every single break I had. It is funny, sweet, bitter, literary, and exciting all in one.

13 Going on 30

Aww, this movie is not particularly good, but so cute. I just shrivel up with sweetness when I watch this movie.

The Truth About Cats and Dogs
As mentioned above, this is part of the Janeane Garofalo movie night. This is the better of the two movies, and I also can't help but watch it whenever it comes on tv. The scene when he is taking the girl's photographs, gets caught up taking Uma Thurman's pictures, and forgets all about the other girl kills me.

White Christmas

See my Christmas list of movies.

You've Got Mail
Ooohhh, I LOVE THIS MOVIE. Love it. I am hard pressed to pick a favorite between this and Bridget Jones, but I think I have seen them both the same amount of times. I can also recite the dialogue along with the movie, especially the email voice overs. I also love that this movie is in NYC, it is exactly the kind of life I want to live.

XXX

See The Chronicles of Riddick. This movie is much sillier (I mean, really, when does a rebel-turned-USA-spy blow up 15 dozen luxury cars?) but it is fun to watch. Plus, you know, the beautiful man factor.

Hooray!

2007-03-23T14:00:00.000-04:00

"House OKs timetable for troops in Iraq"

Three Things:

2007-03-22T19:11:00.000-04:00

I no longer have a crush. I've over it. (Side note: have you ever done an image search for "crush"? So random!)

I am still attracted to guys with beards. No idea why, it does not feel good against my face. Weird.

I really really want to go shopping. I want new jeans, a new mattress, and a new comforter set (preferably down). I also have $16.59 in my checking account.

2007-03-22T14:33:00.000-04:00

I guess that no one has any jokes for me. So I will tell you my favorite (appropriate) joke. I also have a few inappropriate jokes, but I will refrain from using those here.

Here is the joke (and you should imagine that it is told in an English accent, because that is how I heard it the first time):

There are two cows standing in a field. One cow turns to the other and says, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "I'm not a cow, I'm a helicopter!"

2007-03-22T14:09:00.000-04:00

I seem to be completely unable to stop listening to the Spring Awakening soundtrack. I've listened to it about 6,000 times and I keep going back to the beginning. Some of my favorite songs are "The Bitch of Living," "My Junk," and "Totally Fucked." I know they sound awful but they really aren't. Good stuff. Now all I need is someone to give me a bunch of money and then I go see it on Broadway.

I am also really excited about the Blue October concert this weekend. My friend and I are going to camp out until the doors open so that we can be at the very front. No one has ever been willing to do this with me. And, my sister is going and she's never been to a Blue show before. Yay!

2007-03-21T17:01:00.000-04:00

Reasons Why I Might Be OCD:

I HATE those paper clips with little ridges on them. I also don't like ones that are bent too far the wrong way, or are just plain ugly. I throw them away. I like my paper clips smooth, silver, straight, and clean.
I have been writing with the same type of pen since early in high school. It is a Pilot Precise V5, Extra fine, blue. I love it and will never change.
It drives me crazy to have clothes on the floor. I do it every once in awhile (usually after a night on the town), but I hate it.
I am kind of obsessive about my cuticles...I rub lotion into them a lot. I love lotion, such moisturey goodness.

Reasons Why I Might NOT Be OCD:

There are four windows in my car. Only one (mine) actually opens. I couldn't care less if the rest of them do, which is why they have sticks holding them up instead of me actually paying for them to be fixed.
I don't clean the litter box, sweep the floors, or vacuum nearly as often as I should.
I'm not very good a routines. I tend to do something for anywhere from 2 weeks - 3 months, then quit.
It does not bother me at all to not take a shower every day.
I haven't washed my car since the summer. Last summer. At least.

2007-03-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

I'm cranky. Someone tell me a funny joke.

2007-03-21T12:50:00.000-04:00

Isn't it ironic?

Why is it that when I wear a simple tank top with a sweater over it that is slightly low cut no man within 2 miles can help staring at my breasts? And yet, when I wear an extremely low cut shirt that shows A LOT of cleavage, the men in bars could care less?

What is the deal with SUV drivers putting stickers promoting bicycle riding on their bumpers? Seriously!

Why am completely hopeless at negotiating, but I am able to re-sign my lease (again!) for the same rent? AND get a free carpet shampooing?

2007-03-20T14:31:00.000-04:00

Ach! Blogging! I forgot!

I always think of the best things to write about just as I'm drifting off to sleep...12 hours later and I've forgotten everything about it except that I had a great thing to post about. I should take a tape recorder to bed with me so I can remember my ideas without having to actually get up and type them up. Because that is so hard. Basically, typing on a keyboard is the same as lifting a bus. I can do both.

I'm also really pissed about the fall schedule of class. A) everyone I know is graduation so I will have no fun people in my classes and B) there is only ONE class I want to do. All the rest suck, or I have already taken them. I emailed one of my professors to see if I could do an independent study thing. I've never heard of anyone doing that but I don't think it would be that difficult. I hope. I want to continue to take children's lit classes, but I can't take the exact same class that I did a year ago. Hmph.

One last thing - if I ever have to read Beloved for a class again I am going to shoot a hole through the middle of the book. This stupid book has been taught in four, count them FOUR of my college/grad school classes. And two of the classes next semester are reading Beloved. Jesus Louise people. Let's find something else to read, shall we?

2007-03-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

I have a bunch of school stuff to do that I should have done during Spring Break, but if you would like you can go look at some pictures. The Spring Break and St. Patrick's Day pictures are the newest.

Back to the routine tomorrow.

2007-03-15T18:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Internet,

If you could aid in my quest to become a full-time student with no job I would really appreciate it. This past week has been a wonderful dose of getting enough sleep, cooking my own meals, reading, thinking, watching television, walking, hanging with friends and family, taking pictures, and cleaning. I think I could totally fill my time like this instead of going to a job for 40 hours a week. Plus this whole going to bed when I am tired (usually around midnight - 1am) and waking up when I want to (9-10am) is also fabulous.

So if you could get on that, I would be very grateful.

Thanks,

Beth

P.S. Just as an example, it is 5:32pm right now, and instead of being tired from a day of work I have been to the library and the grocery store. Next, I am going to go walking, then come back and make dinner, then maybe watch some tv or do some school reading. See? Good stuff!

2007-03-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm going to get into so much trouble!!!

THIS website is soooooo cool!

2007-03-14T23:56:00.000-04:00

The neighbors have their radio on with the bass turned up. It is driving me crazy! It is almost as bad as a ticking clock...but not that bad. I CANNOT STAND a ticking clock. Several times my friends have woken up to find their clock in the refrigerator. It stays quiet in there.

2007-03-13T22:04:00.000-04:00

I learned a long time ago that getting really really sweaty and dirty and then taking a shower is one of the best feelings in the world. When I worked at a summer camp, one of my favorites times of the day was walking back to our cabin with my wet hair smelling of shampoo and my skin finally drying from all the sweat and humidity of the day. There are few things that can measure up to an evening at camp - the sun has gone down, the stars and the breeze have come out, and the crickets and cicadas serenade everyone to sleep. The only thing that made it better was to having someone strumming on a guitar, maybe playing "This Pretty Planet" or "The Lone Wild Bird."

Every once in awhile the memory of camp creeps up on me, and I am forced to stop what I am doing and get lost in remembering things. Often times I am surprised by how many things I've forgotten...I don't think I will ever remember all of my campers' names, or my co-counselors, or my junior counselors. Certain sessions, certain activities, even certain people have fallen out of my conscious thought and it makes me sad that I can't remember every second of my time out there. However, there some memories that I will never, ever forget.

I remember my very first counselor. I was a terrified little third grader who had never been away from home that long before, and I loved my counselor. She had long, very curly hair, and her name was Amy. I also remember stubbing my toe on a rock and some poor male counselor carried me on his back all the way to the infirmary.

I remember going to beach camp and the beautiful second story porch that looked out over the ocean. The breeze and the view on that porch created a little haven of peacefulness, even for a bunch of middle school kids.

I remember the smell of waking up from an over night - a mixture of campfire, bug spray, burnt food, sleeping bags, and sweat.

I remember reading a different Narnia book each summer, and later each session of camp.

I remember my first year back at camp, and becoming a part of a group for perhaps the very first time. Although I have no idea where most of those people are, or what they are doing, I will always remember that summer with fondness. We were a great (although small) group, and it was awesome to be a part of it.

I remember the silly songs; maybe not all of the words to every song, but I definitely remember silly songs. Chiquita banana anyone?

I remember the countless, countless times I sat in the middle of a group of people, singing songs that I loved, and being perfectly content to simply live in the moment. I would have been happy to sing every moment of every day out there.

I remember dishes. Oh, how I remember doing dishes. There are few things in this world that can be that fun AND that miserable, all at the same time.

I remember friendship bracelets.

I remember the year it rained. And rained. And rained and rained and rained. By the end of that two week session I though I was going to have mold growing on my face and mud permanently attached to my feet. It was awesome to be in the middle of a force of nature like that, though - and watching the river rise almost to the dining hall was kind of cool.

I remember walking to the high ropes course on the back property in the blistering sun, putting harnesses on kids, and watching our leaders try not to die of heat stroke.

I remember the lovely, lovely swimming pool. And the G-line, which sadly is no more.

I remember my favorite spot on the planet, the chapel. I remember the simple wooden benches built into a deck on the flat top of a hill, looking out over the creek and the field. I remember the the calm and serene feeling that permeates the wind that blows through the trees. That is the one place in the world where I NEVER have to try to see God; he just exists there always and forever, even in my memory. All I have to do is close my eyes and I am laying on one of those wooden benches, looking up into the leafy greenness, listening to the breeze pass over, around, and through everything.

I remember the slop bucket. I also remember (and not many people do) turning the compost pile in the garden.

Out of the thousands of memories (some bad, most good) I have of camp, I am most grateful for the ones that brought me the friends I have today. It's hard to believe that a summer can affect people so much, but outside of my family, the people I am closest to today all went to camp. Sometimes it seems weird, but when I think about it, it makes perfect sense. They all know how good it feels to take a shower after a long, dirty, sweaty day at camp.

2007-03-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

Ha! I just walked three miles and I have no blisters because I wore my old, yucky, paint-spattered tennis shoes. Just thought you would like to know. Stupid new shoes. I hate you.

2007-03-12T12:54:00.000-04:00

Okay, I need to make a plan for the day so that I don't waste the entire day taking naps and watching home improvement/cooking shows. Like I would do that. Oh wait, that's what I did yesterday. And I am very sure that you all are interested in this, but I think telling that publishing my to-do list will help me actually do it. Kind of like how you're supposed to tell everyone you know when you go on a diet.

My Monday-of-Spring-Break To Do List:

Dishes
Laundry
Sweep
Mop
Vacuum
Organize school stuff
Read for school
Take pictures?

Tomorrow I will go to the library. Ugh.

2007-03-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

Some thoughts:

I just walked two miles.
I think my tennis shoes suck.
Everything outside is soo beautiful - spring is awesome.
I could watch TLC and the Food Channel ALL DAY LONG.
I want to start cooking more, especially healthy things.
I need to go take a shower so that we can go shopping!

God, I love spring break!!!

2007-03-09T21:38:00.000-05:00

I've decided that tonight will be girlie night.

I have plucked my eyebrows and flossed my teeth.

Up next are removing my toe nail polish, eating dessert (easy there, I had a salad for dinner!), and watching a movie.

After that, I am planning on taking a bath, putting on a face mask, and drinking some wine.

OH, and tomorrow I will (maybe) be getting a pedicure! And going shopping! And spending money I don't have! Oops, I think I just used all of my alloted exclamation points for the rest of the month. Oh well.

On a side note, I am watching While You Were Out, one of my favorite shows. And WHAT THE HELL IS UP with Andrew never being able to measure correctly? Seriously. You are a carpenter.