Ever since I joined Facebook, I have started to think about my life in terms of the Facebook status message.

For example:

• Beth is...having a wonderful day.
• Beth is...wondering what the hell she did before coffee.
• Beth is...sitting at work alone because it is a rainy day and no one wanted to come in and keep her company.

You get the picture. I do think it is weird to be narrating my own life in the third person. I don't actually put all that information up all the time (I don't want to be annoying and tell a bunch of people that I mostly don't really talk to my every move), but I can't help thinking about it.

Sometime, I would like to put up the following messages:

• Beth is...having a blast in NYC going to see every play & musical on Broadway.
• Beth is...done with grad school!
  
• Beth is...???

And that really comes down to my point. There are a few things that I would like to do in the future, including moving to a big city and/or traveling through Europe for a year, but beyond those I don't really know what I want to do. I could teach - but I really don't know if I am going to be able to teach in Texas, the land where we worship standardized testing. I could get my doctorate - but I don't know if I'm cut out to write a dissertation, much less actually teach at a university. I could look into other jobs - but what kind of job is perfect for someone who has a love of literature but not writing? (I mean serious writing kids, not the kind of crap I put up here.)

And then I get worried about my parents and wonder how much longer they are going to be able to keep going the same way that they are now. And I worry about my sister, and wonder what her plans for the future are. And I worry about my cats, and wonder if I could leave them for a year, and if I couldn't how I could move them across the country/world. And I worry that maybe I won't actually have the guts to move somewhere else and that I'll end up living in the same stupid town for the rest of my life.

But - I've done it before. I've moved across the country to a town/state in which I didn't know a single soul. I've traveled to NYC by myself and had a blast. I've wanted to see and be other places for as long as I can remember. I can do this, I can do something.

One more year of grad school, and then we will see where I am. It's kind of scary not knowing, not having a specific goal...but the tingling, exciting kind of scary.

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And on a totally separate note, my hair smells really nice today. I used a different shampoo (every girl knows that you must switch shampoo every once in awhile to get rid of build up), and I am really digging the smell. Every time I turn my head, it's like sticking my face in a bowl of flowers. Ahh, to be a girl.