Looooong Break, No?

No more problems with neighbors, 'cause I moved! I'm temporarily living at home (which I say so I don't sound like quite as much of a loser) and it is very quiet.

Except for the 42 cats that live there. Okay, there's only 7 cats (and 2 dogs), but that is a lot.

You should totally watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. It is totally awesome, and I can't wait for the soundtrack to come out.

I've also been watching Battlestar Galatica. Yes, dorky Sci/Fi, and a little too serious for me but I am getting into it.

Things I am terrified about happening in the next 12 months (in chronological order):

• GRE General Test
• GRE Literature Test
• Apply to doctorate programs
  
• Trip to Europe with not enough money or planning
• Applying to more doctorate programs
• Getting in to/not getting in to doctorate programs
• Quitting my job and moving to a different state

Welcome Back.

I could make some kind of snotty remark about not remembering what a blog is, but I think I'll skip that this time. I do remember what a blog is, and I occasionally remember that I have one. I've been reading lots of blogs, but as for writing...

Kids, school this semester has killed me. Okay, as I'm clearly not dead let's say that school kicked me in the throat with a high heeled boot then took out my kneecaps with a candlestick. There was lots of reading, lots of writing papers, lots of paper presentations, and a big-ass scary test. I have still have two take home-finals and a paper to revise, but it feels like I am running downhill now. Or I can see the finish line. Or the end is in sight. Or whatever cliche you would like to use.

As you can probably tell by my lack of posting on here, I've spent the semester withdrawing further and further from the world. I don't go out, I don't really call people, I don't email for fun...I apparently think that completely isolating myself will help me to concentrate. It is probably for the best, because I've also been incredible cranky. Papers and deadlines make me very grumpy, and I've had a lot of those this semester. So, dear blog, you should feel lucky that I haven't been grumping on you for the last several months.

Here's to a new stage in my life - a break from school and reintroduction into my life. I really need to work on my writing skills, and this is a great place for me to do that.

Jesus, I'm glad I got such a big desk...little did I know that I would actually be only able to use the middle part of it because each cat has to have a place on the desk while I am working. Seriously, if they don't EACH have a bed on the desk they wandering around crying and crying and crying.

So now all of my papers and books are squished all around the laptop while Ghost is on my right and Ollie is on the left. The things I do for these guys.

Um....yeah....so....

Hi there.

Sorry I've not been around, work has been crazy busy lately and the summer is coming faster than a freight train. I also have a bunch of school stuff/reading that I should be doing, including studying for two really huge tests and rewriting two papers for conferences.

This weekend my plans are as follows:

• Tonight: hitting up Target to get my b&w pictures printed, then to the library for some reading
• Tomorrow: sleeping in, washing the van and taking pictures of it to show to a potential buyer, then hanging out pool side with Erin. The evening will be rounded out by a cd-burning party.
• Sunday: church, lunch, maybe seeing a movie, working on school stuff, reading
  

Oh, and also, Dell is taking a mother-fucking long time to order a simple monitor and speakers. Jeeze louise. I've been on hold for about 20 minutes already.

Item #9487438 for avoiding working on a paper?

Googling procrastination.


How pathetic am I????

These things are really the same

Usually when I think about moving I get lost in the idea of looking for a new apartment, the hunt for hardwood floors and a fireplace, getting to unpacking everything in a new space (my absolute favorite part of moving). I think about how exciting it will be to find a new coffee shop, or being able to walk to the grocery store, being able to be a new person, meeting new people.

Last night I remembered the other part of moving - the terrifying feeling that you are leaving everything and everyone you know behind. Having to make new friends, figure out where to go to get your car fixed, not having anyone to go to the movies with, being far away from your family, have to spend too much money traveling back and forth...

I think knowing that I've already moved across the country once before kind of hampers my judgment. I know both the awesome things about it, and the scary things. I LOVED being on my own, and exploring new places, and doing things that I NEVER would have done at home, but people were not as friendly as I thought they would be, and I was put in several situations that I never want to be in again. Also, I really missed my family and friends and it felt like their world was moving on without me.

Everything is becoming a little more real to me as I inch closer to graduation, and the pressure to HAVE A PLAN ALREADY is starting to get me. I am tired of having to say "I don't know" whenever anyone asks me what I am going to do after December. And although it seems like I have been in school for forever, I'm afraid if I leave it for too long before going back I won't remember anything.

I'm also procrastinating a little bit about writing these papers. You'd think by now I'd have to learned to just sit down and do it already.

Yesterday...was one hell of a day!

Things that happened yesterday:

• There was a bug in my coffee (which I fortunately did not drink).
• I went to the eye doctor
• I got a free lunch (with one and a half desserts!)
• There was a bomb threat in the English building, forcing them to evacuate and my favorite class to be canceled.
• The painters came to paint the trim in our office. They sanded the trim first (usual paint practice). My boss, not being the most practical of people, couldn't figure out what they had done, so he rubbed his finger on the trim. Then he licked his finger. I have no idea why.
• I had a minor panic attach about the mail.
• I gave a 10 minute presentation about a paper I haven't written. Actually, it was more like 5 minutes, because...well, I haven't written it yet!
• I found out when I will be giving my paper at the conference this summer. It was rather surreal seeing my name and the title of my paper on the schedule.
• My co-worked abandoned me for California. She won't be back until Monday.
• I spent the vast majority of my evening class trying to figure out why there seems to be a particular sub-species of boys in graduate school that are able to think brilliant, abstract, obscure, and philosophic thoughts but are completely unable to take care of themselves. I think they live on coffee and cigarettes, don't sleep, wear nice shoes with horrible shirts, and always have bed head. I would like to send them home, make them take a shower, change clothes, eat a real meal, and then come back to school with a little more common sense. [pause] I was totally paying attention in class, I swear. I was also not playing with my bottle of water and pen making watercolor paintings on my notes. Definitely not.
  

An evening at my house

Or, what happens after I work on a paper for five hours.

This is what Ghost does. Notice the blanket over the chair, and the paw over the eyes.

This is what Ollie does. Notice the jacket over his bed.

This is the stack of book and articles that I am using for ONE of my papers. Yes, I said one. The stack for the other is much smaller because a)I hate the class b)I think the material I have to use is stupid and c)I don't want to write the paper. And also I can't find much. Anyway, here is the stuff for the paper I am excited about writing.

Unless you are really into children's literature most of that makes no sense to you, but I find it interesting. The book I'm using is Diana Wynne Jones' Fire and Hemlock. Good stuff.


Well, I need to decide if I am jazzed enough on caffiene to finish what I was working on, or if I am sleepy enough to go to bed. I think I'll work for a little longer since I just wasted 30 minutes talking to you people.

PAPERS!

This song in my theme song right now:

[LUCY] A book report on Peter Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, Peter ra- [LINUS (overlapping)] A book report on Peter Rabbit, Peter ra- [SCHROEDER (overlapping)] A book report on Peter Rabbit, ra- [CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)] A book report on Peter ra- [ALL] -Abbit. [LUCY] Peter Rabbit is this stupid book About this stupid rabbit who steals Vegetables from other peoples' gardens [She counts the words so far] Hmm. 83 to go. [SCHROEDER] The name of the book about which This book report is about is Peter Rabbit which is about this Rabbit. I found it very- I liked the part where- It was a- It reminded me of "Robin Hood" And the part where Little John jumped from the rock To the Sheriff of Nottingham's back. And then Robin and everyone swung from the trees In a sudden surprise attack. And they captured the sheriff and all of his goods And they carried him back to their camp in the woods And the sheriff was guest at their dinner and all But he wriggled away and he sounded the call And his men rushed in and the arrows flew- Peter Rabbit did sort of that kind of thing too. [LUCY] The other people's name was Macgregor. [counts to 23] Ohh! [LINUS] In examining a book such as Peter Rabbit, it is important that the superficial chracteristics of its deceptively simple plot should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substancial fabric of its deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the sociological implications of family pressures so great as to drive an otherwise moral rabbit to perform acts of thievery which he consciously knew were against the law. I also hope to explore the personlaity of Mr. Macgregor in his comflicting roles as farmer and humanitarian. Peter Rabbit is established from the start as a benevolent hero and it is only... [CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)] If I start writing now When I'm not really rested It could upset my thinking Which is no good at all. I'll get a fresh start tomorrow And it's not due till Wednesday So I'll have all of Tuesday Unless something should happen. Why does this always happen, I should be outside playing Getting fresh air and sunshine, I work best under pressure, And there'll be lots of pressure If I wait till tomorrow I should start writing now. But I if I start writing now When I'm nbot really rested It could upset my thinking Which is No good at all. [LUCY] The name of the rabbit was Peter [counts to 30] Yes! [SCHROEDER] Down came the staff on his head- smaah! And Robin fell like a sack full of lead- crash! The sheriff laughed and he left him for dead- ah! But he was wring [LUCY] 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40. [SCHROEDER] Just then an arrow flew in- whing! It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing! And then it looked like the sheriff would win- ah! But not for long. Away they ran. Just lke rabbits. Who run a lot As you can tell From the story Of Peter Rabbit Which this report Is about. [SALLY/SNOOPY] Rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits... [CHARLIE BROWN] How do they expect us to Write a book report Of any quality In just two days How can they Conspire to Make life so mis'rable And so effectively In so many ways [LUCY] There were vegetables In the garden Such as carrots and spinach And onions and lettuce And turnips and parsley And okra and cabbage And string beans ans parsnips Tomatoes, potatoes, asparagus Cauliflower, rhubarb and chives. [LINUS] Not to mention the extreme pressure exterted on him bu his deeply rooted rivalry with Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail! [SALLY/SNOOPY] Rabbits, rabbits, chasing rabbits... [CHARLIE] If I start Writing now When I'm not Really rested It could Upset my Thinking Which is Not good At all Not good At all. Oh. First thing After dinner I'll start [SCHROEDER] The name of The book A bout which This book Report is About is Peter Rabbit, Peter Rabbit All for one Ev'ry man Does his part Oh. [LINUS] What drove An otherwise Moral rabbit To perform Acts of Thievery? Thievery! Sociological Implications Fam'ly Pressure Simple plot [LUCY] Peter Rabbit Is this stupid Book about this Stupid rabbit Who steals Vegetables From other Peoples' Gardens. Gardens, Gardens, 75,76 77,78,79,80 81, 82. [SNOOPY/SALLY] Rabbit Chasing Rabbit Chasing Rabbit Chasing Rabbit Chasing! Chasing! Rabbits, Rabbits Chasing Rabbits Find a rabbit Do or die! [LUCY] And they were very, very, very, very, very, very Happy to be home. [SCHROEDER/SALLY/SNOOPY] The end. [LUCY] ...94, 95. The very, very, very end. [LINUS] A-men [CHARLIE BROWN] A book report on Peter Rab- [CHARLIE] -Bit Just start Writing You can do it Nothing to it Got to Start- Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! [SCHROEDER] Peter Rabbit Was A lot like Robin Hood Peter Rabbit Was A lot like Robin Hood Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! [LINUS] Sociological Implications Joined with Familial Condemnations Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! [LUCY] Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! [SNOOPY/SALLY] Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! [CHARLIE BROWN] I haven't even started yet! [ALL] Peter Rabbit! -- "The Book Report" from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

And now when I hear people curse the chance that was wasted...

I can't stand any of Sheryl Crow's songs (even though I own one of her cds, sorry 7th grade me), except "Begin the Beguine" on the De-Lovely soundtrack. This song has been repeating on my iPod for about three days - it's a darn good thing I don't share my office with anyone, because they probably would have killed me by now.

In other news, everyone has left me at work all by myself. This often happens on Fridays. And they wonder why I don't get anything done on Fridays! (Actually, no, no one wonders that because really, I work very hard 90% of the time.) It makes me sad to be at work by myself, I got used to working with 20-30 other staff members and 50-100 kids. I was NEVER alone at the daycare, unless I was about to leave. And then it was creepy.

Oh, and I get to go out with my girls tonight! Since I so cleverly saved $100 on my airplane ticket to Virgina, I can now do stuff! Like buy food! And alcohol! Aren't you excited for me! Bring on the expensive margaritas and cheap mixed drinks!

Whew, that was a lot of exclamation points. But seriously, kids, I have two papers due in 18 days. I know this because I set a countdown on my widgets, so it tells me EXACTLY how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds I have left. Swell. One paper is half written (in my head) and the other one is...well, not quite so far. I have a topic, though. Sort of. Actually, if you know anything at all about Milton, cognitive science, or psychology, please email me. Preferably, if you know about all three.

Thanks Internet, have a great weekend!

Lazy Sunday?

I kept thinking that I was going to have to write about what a lazy slob I was yesterday, and then I actually sat down and thought about what I did. And I realized that I actually did accomplish a few things, including:

• Made fettucini alfredo from scratch
• Made queso
• Made coffee
• Made macaroni & cheese (I was trying to make enough food for the week so that I wouldn't have to cook later)
  
• Did the dishes
• Did ALL of my laundry, including hanging everything up
• Cleaned off my desk
• Searched for my lost staff id & $20 copy card
• Read a book (although it was a small one)
• Watched 2 shows saved on my DVR
• Took my dad to San Antonio
• Told the story of Saturday night three times
• Slept in AND took nap (recovering from previously mentioned Saturday night)
• Put up all of my shoes
• Made the bed

I don't think that is too shabby, do you? The real reason I felt like I didn't get anything accomplished is that I didn't really do any of the school things I needed to, and my floors are a MESS. I really need to sweep, mop, and vacuum. The only problem is that I don't have enough time until Wednesday to do the manual labor involved, I'm almost out of Swiffer wet-jet pads for the mop, and I've had my vacuum for 2 years now and have never changed a single filter on it. Tonight I need to:

• Clean the litter box (sorry kids, but it must be done)
• Decide upon a paper topic (and write up exactly what it is I will be writing about, including a paper title)
• Make sure that said paper topic does not overlap too much with previous articles written by people who know a lot more than me
• Read a chapter of a very complex book all about cognitive science (don't EVEN get me started), then outline it
• Read perhaps another book for my magical realism class, because I think I read the wrong one
• Sleep

And maybe someday I will get around to actually posting a real entry that does not include a list in any form. But, until then I am going to set iTunes to random, answer an email, and actually work for the remaining 40 minutes.

Ach! Blogging! I forgot!

I always think of the best things to write about just as I'm drifting off to sleep...12 hours later and I've forgotten everything about it except that I had a great thing to post about. I should take a tape recorder to bed with me so I can remember my ideas without having to actually get up and type them up. Because that is so hard. Basically, typing on a keyboard is the same as lifting a bus. I can do both.

I'm also really pissed about the fall schedule of class. A) everyone I know is graduation so I will have no fun people in my classes and B) there is only ONE class I want to do. All the rest suck, or I have already taken them. I emailed one of my professors to see if I could do an independent study thing. I've never heard of anyone doing that but I don't think it would be that difficult. I hope. I want to continue to take children's lit classes, but I can't take the exact same class that I did a year ago. Hmph.

One last thing - if I ever have to read Beloved for a class again I am going to shoot a hole through the middle of the book. This stupid book has been taught in four, count them FOUR of my college/grad school classes. And two of the classes next semester are reading Beloved. Jesus Louise people. Let's find something else to read, shall we?

Dear Internet,

If you could aid in my quest to become a full-time student with no job I would really appreciate it. This past week has been a wonderful dose of getting enough sleep, cooking my own meals, reading, thinking, watching television, walking, hanging with friends and family, taking pictures, and cleaning. I think I could totally fill my time like this instead of going to a job for 40 hours a week. Plus this whole going to bed when I am tired (usually around midnight - 1am) and waking up when I want to (9-10am) is also fabulous.

So if you could get on that, I would be very grateful.

Thanks,

Beth

P.S. Just as an example, it is 5:32pm right now, and instead of being tired from a day of work I have been to the library and the grocery store. Next, I am going to go walking, then come back and make dinner, then maybe watch some tv or do some school reading. See? Good stuff!

Okay, I need to make a plan for the day so that I don't waste the entire day taking naps and watching home improvement/cooking shows. Like I would do that. Oh wait, that's what I did yesterday. And I am very sure that you all are interested in this, but I think telling that publishing my to-do list will help me actually do it. Kind of like how you're supposed to tell everyone you know when you go on a diet.

My Monday-of-Spring-Break To Do List:

• Dishes
• Laundry
• Sweep
• Mop
• Vacuum
• Organize school stuff
• Read for school
• Take pictures?

Tomorrow I will go to the library. Ugh.

The calendar over my desk has "Hang in there...a break is near" written at the top. I keep staring at it, hoping the words will become true faster.

And today begins the weekend of birthdays...lots and lots of birthdays. It's a darn good thing my mom and I have birthdays in the fall/winter, because these spring birthdays kill me every year.

In other news, I got a scholarship to pay for most of my airplane ticket to the conference - hoorah!

Although I live by myself, I HATE being at work by myself. I am exceedingly unmotivated to do anything. At all. Speaking of which, I should get back to doing....well, nothing.

I'm starting to feel like I am drowning in a sea of books! I have so much reading to do this semester, in addition to the reports, papers, and presentations that I just get overwhelmed and do the absolute minimum. This concerns me, because last year at this time I was similarly overwhelmed but with an extra class. I'm not sure if there is actually is more to do now, or if my work ethic has gone down the toilet and I want to put less effort into things.

------------------------------

While I'm confessing my feelings, I also feel like I am ready for a new start. This is going to be a very busy & exciting summer (especially two weeks of it), and I'm coming up on the end of grad school in December. I'm still trying to figure out (or wait for a sign to tell me) whether I should be an 8th or 12th grade teacher to try to continue on with school, get my doctorate, and teacher at the college level. I kind of feel like I have more to say in school, and that I'm not done learning (academically). I also have been thinking a lot about what my life would be like as a professor. On the other hand, I've been planning for years to be a public school teacher, and I have so many plans, books, and ideas for my future classroom. I started out in children's literature in order to be able to be able to inspire my students with books that would be relevant to them, and I don't know if I will be able to translate that into a fight for critically studying children's literature. There's also the old insecurities of actually being smart enough and knowing enough to be able to jump to the collegiate level.

I guess I still have some time to think about things.

Yay, I'm smart!!!

My paper was just accepted to the 34th Annual International Conference of the Children's Literature Association.

Whoooooo Hooooooooo!

Top 10 Things I Would Rather Be Doing Now (instead of writing an essay exploring a close reading of lines 121-146 in Paradise Regained, Book II):

1. Taking pictures
2. Taking a nap
3. Playing with the cats
4. Sitting on my patio reading a good book
5. Watching a movie with all of the windows open
6. Shopping
7. Walking
8. Driving out RR 32 with the windows rolled down, listening to my now-fixed cd player
9. Drinking coffee at some nice little cafe, reading the newspaper
10. Getting my eyes lasered again, or a root canal, or that really fun appointment that women have to do every year.

I think you get the picture.

For the past year or so I've been recording VH1's weekly music video countdown and watching it on Saturdays while I clean. It's one of my favorite parts of the weekend.

As I watched the countdown today, I have a few comments:

• WHY oh why must everyone keep spelling out shit in their songs? Yes, you can spell (sort of). What's the point? Have we become so used to crappy lyrics that we accept THE SPELLING OF WORDS instead of an actual song?
• I haven't ever listened to much of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I really like their last two songs.
• This countdown seems a little flip-flopped - Nora Jones is the toast of the music community right now, the top of all the charts I know of, and everyone is talking about her. Her video did not make the countdown. Blue October, on the other hand, has the #1 video and I rarely hear the mass media talking about them. I know which I prefer, but it just seems strange.
• It's driving me crazy that the host is now wandering all over NYC. It just reminds me how much I want to go back there.
• I love Fall Out Boy's new video. It's always cool when celebrities/bands/etc. make fun of themselves, and they do an excellent job in the video. Plus, it's just the kind of song that I love, very peppy.
• Regina Spektor annoys the shit out of me.
• Amy Lee is absolutely beautiful, and has a voice to match. She may be the poster child of the goth-girl revival, but I love her anyway.
  
• The recent trend of laid-back boy group rock is ridiculous. Nickelback/Augustana/The Fray/Daughtry/Dashboard Confessional all sound the same to me, and I fast foward through all of their videos. Booooring. I left the Goo Goo Dolls out because they were one of the first cds I played when I started driving, and they will always have a special place in my heart. And don't even get me started on John Mayer/James Blunt/Daniel Powter/Mat Kearney whiny "sensitive" boys. I do also do not include Snow Patrol in either category, because I love them and they kick ass.
  
• Timbaland is sexxxy, and seems almost guaranteed to make a song a hit.
• Because I have been a Blue October fan for so long, to watch them come from the crappiest video EVER ("Calling You" - astronauts? A space ship? Bad CGI? A stupid concept AND no sign that the band members are actually a band that play instruments? Bad idea + bad execution = crappy video) to "Hate Me" and then "Into the Ocean" is wonderful. I think they did a great job with "Hate Me," especially by including Justin's mom, but I love the whole look and feel of "Into the Ocean." Literary allusions aside (Moby Dick anyone?), the costumes, the makeup, and the cinematography all work very well together, especially with Justin's stage persona.

I think that just about concludes the wrap-up of this week's show. Off to bury my nose in a book. Okay, I might eat lunch first, who knows.

So in both of my classes today we talked about Satan. Is this supposed to tell me something?


---------------------------------


And I got tired of all the 9/11 and The Passion of the Christ talk, so I talked about Firefly in my presentation. The last laugh? I think so.