Looooong Break, No?

No more problems with neighbors, 'cause I moved! I'm temporarily living at home (which I say so I don't sound like quite as much of a loser) and it is very quiet.

Except for the 42 cats that live there. Okay, there's only 7 cats (and 2 dogs), but that is a lot.

You should totally watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. It is totally awesome, and I can't wait for the soundtrack to come out.

I've also been watching Battlestar Galatica. Yes, dorky Sci/Fi, and a little too serious for me but I am getting into it.

Things I am terrified about happening in the next 12 months (in chronological order):

• GRE General Test
• GRE Literature Test
• Apply to doctorate programs
  
• Trip to Europe with not enough money or planning
• Applying to more doctorate programs
• Getting in to/not getting in to doctorate programs
• Quitting my job and moving to a different state

Welcome Back.

I could make some kind of snotty remark about not remembering what a blog is, but I think I'll skip that this time. I do remember what a blog is, and I occasionally remember that I have one. I've been reading lots of blogs, but as for writing...

Kids, school this semester has killed me. Okay, as I'm clearly not dead let's say that school kicked me in the throat with a high heeled boot then took out my kneecaps with a candlestick. There was lots of reading, lots of writing papers, lots of paper presentations, and a big-ass scary test. I have still have two take home-finals and a paper to revise, but it feels like I am running downhill now. Or I can see the finish line. Or the end is in sight. Or whatever cliche you would like to use.

As you can probably tell by my lack of posting on here, I've spent the semester withdrawing further and further from the world. I don't go out, I don't really call people, I don't email for fun...I apparently think that completely isolating myself will help me to concentrate. It is probably for the best, because I've also been incredible cranky. Papers and deadlines make me very grumpy, and I've had a lot of those this semester. So, dear blog, you should feel lucky that I haven't been grumping on you for the last several months.

Here's to a new stage in my life - a break from school and reintroduction into my life. I really need to work on my writing skills, and this is a great place for me to do that.

Question: Is there some law out there stating that I will only spill my coffee on the days that I really really need it? Or on days that I particularly want to look nice? Or when I'm already cranky?

Grrrr.

What else?

Reading this blog makes me want to quit my job immediately and travel the world. I don't want to wait until next year, I want to go DO SOMETHING now. Right now.

Also, college freshman are extremely dumb. I thought you had to learn how to read before getting into a university, but apparently I was wrong.

My sleeve is now coffee-colored and clammy. Swell.

I'm worried about my cat. Again.

Boy howdy, I bet that I have brightened your day. I've decided that I need to sit down and write about some goals for myself, starting this weekend. I will be writing more.

Um....yeah....so....

Hi there.

Sorry I've not been around, work has been crazy busy lately and the summer is coming faster than a freight train. I also have a bunch of school stuff/reading that I should be doing, including studying for two really huge tests and rewriting two papers for conferences.

This weekend my plans are as follows:

• Tonight: hitting up Target to get my b&w pictures printed, then to the library for some reading
• Tomorrow: sleeping in, washing the van and taking pictures of it to show to a potential buyer, then hanging out pool side with Erin. The evening will be rounded out by a cd-burning party.
• Sunday: church, lunch, maybe seeing a movie, working on school stuff, reading
  

Oh, and also, Dell is taking a mother-fucking long time to order a simple monitor and speakers. Jeeze louise. I've been on hold for about 20 minutes already.

These things are really the same

Usually when I think about moving I get lost in the idea of looking for a new apartment, the hunt for hardwood floors and a fireplace, getting to unpacking everything in a new space (my absolute favorite part of moving). I think about how exciting it will be to find a new coffee shop, or being able to walk to the grocery store, being able to be a new person, meeting new people.

Last night I remembered the other part of moving - the terrifying feeling that you are leaving everything and everyone you know behind. Having to make new friends, figure out where to go to get your car fixed, not having anyone to go to the movies with, being far away from your family, have to spend too much money traveling back and forth...

I think knowing that I've already moved across the country once before kind of hampers my judgment. I know both the awesome things about it, and the scary things. I LOVED being on my own, and exploring new places, and doing things that I NEVER would have done at home, but people were not as friendly as I thought they would be, and I was put in several situations that I never want to be in again. Also, I really missed my family and friends and it felt like their world was moving on without me.

Everything is becoming a little more real to me as I inch closer to graduation, and the pressure to HAVE A PLAN ALREADY is starting to get me. I am tired of having to say "I don't know" whenever anyone asks me what I am going to do after December. And although it seems like I have been in school for forever, I'm afraid if I leave it for too long before going back I won't remember anything.

I'm also procrastinating a little bit about writing these papers. You'd think by now I'd have to learned to just sit down and do it already.

Archery, goals, and friendship bracelets

My second summer working at camp, I was co-counselors with a girl that hated me. She kept looking at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, and she never talked. I was terrified of spending an entire week with this girl, and I just knew that it would be one of the most uncomfortable, tense weeks of my life.

A few days into the session our cabin of little girls decided that they want to sign up for archery. As my co-counselor and I sat on the ground calling out instructions to the little 8 year-old girls, we started talking. I mentioned that I wanted to be really good at something random, like making friendship bracelets (which, by the way, I have been designated the "Queen of Friendship Bracelets"). I'm not sure how it happened, but we decided that we would become really good (Olympic quality) at archery. That way, at parties, we could whip out a bow & arrow and show off our random skills. We had a hysterically funny time letting each of the girls take one turn with the bows, then we would give ourselves 15 turns. We bonded that day, and I was later a bridesmaid at her wedding. She insists that she never hated me, and that she looked at everyone like that.

Lately, it seems like people have been talking about their life-goals. Their goals are not far-off dreams (playing in the NBA, becoming president, etc.) but actual things they hope to accomplish. When I think about my goals, I think about that day on the archery field. Although I have a few normal things - living in NYC for at least a year, traveling through Europe, collecting the soundtrack to every (good) musical - I can't really name my real goal. I'm not sure if writing a book is really something I want to do, I don't want to be the CEO (or whatever) of a company, I don't want to own my own business. I'm still trying to figure out what my life goal is, or should be.

I do know that I would like to do (or be) something different, or have one little area of expertise that is better than almost anyone else. Maybe better is not the right word, but along those lines. Definitely not archery, I hit the tree and the grass as often as the target, but something at which I can be really really good - even if it is really tiny and only a few people would ever know my specialty.

To quote Jo March, "I'm not sure what it is, but I'm on the watch for it."

Moving up and onward!

I've moved on from Spring Awakening and have now listened to the Evita soundtrack for two days in a row. A singing Antonio Banderas is hella sexy.

I've also spent the morning making lists, and no I won't post them on here. It might get a little ridiculous (even for me!) to make a list of my lists. Suffice to say that I have a very busy weekend ahead. This is the first weekend in quite a while that I haven't had a birthday/concert/holiday/celebration (i.e. Erin and I went shopping and wanted to wear our new stuff) of some kind to attend. Not that I mind all of those things, I've had a lot of fun, but I need a solid weekend of cleaning, reading, researching, and catching up on sleep.

I'm also trying to be much better about my money stuff. Instead of thinking, "I just got paid, so I can buy a bunch of stuff and then not buy anything for the rest of the month!" I will be thinking, "I don't have much money right now, so I need to focus on saving/paying things off." I'm trying to think of what I want in the future and not what I want this second. I've already frozen my credit card; I literally put it in a jar of water in the freezer. That way it is still there if I absolutely need it, but I will have to think long and hard about using it while it is thawing out. I'm also thinking about canceling my cable this summer. There are no new shows on, and anything I really want to watch I can rent or download from iTunes. I have TONS of movies to watch, and I should be spending most of the summer reading. I have two shelves a books to read, and there are lots more I would like to look into - and I will use the library! I really should sit down and enter some stuff into Microsoft Money/make a budget - maybe that can be something I do tonight or tomorrow night.

Oh, I'm also trying to stop drink soda again. I though if I gave up the regular sodas and just drank diet ones that I was doing good, but then I read this article. Scary much? So I'm going to focus on drinking coffee and LOTS of water. Water is good for me.